I live at home with my mother. For a long time there was some sort of financial abuse happening from her because she was charging me left, right and centre and getting me to pay all the bills. I have an adult bro8living at home and he pays nothing because its her decision to allow him to go free.
It's only recently I put my foot down and I am ordering that the bills are split three ways and if she wants my brother to go free, she can pay for him. I need to do this to get a savings plan in place so I can at least have a deposit to pay down on rent and perhaps gather up a rainy day fund. I need to do this.
My mother has narcissistic tendencies. She had disdain for me when I was growing up. She never had that level of hatred for my three brothers. Just me (female).
I wasn't particularly difficult when I was young. I learned how to work hard from when I was 13 holding down a job outside of school to bring in a wage.
She mellowed over the years from about 2014 I was about 30. At the time my niece was due to be born and it was her birth that drew us closer.
Maybe I was useful to be used for printing out pictures for her. I don't know.
Then last yesr, out of nowhere, my mother blew up at me. Several times over the course of the year. About 3 outbursts of anger directed at me. Out of nowhere.
They all follow the same pattern. It would start of as a silent treatment for a number of days before blowing up in my face. A lot of the anger and rage from her made no sense. A lot of what she was ranting at me about made no sense whatsoever. Like for instance, my brother went out one weekend and came home and stayed in his bed for a full week afterwards only getting up at night time. That's not new behaviour from him and I think it's drug related. She didn't really like that. I think it was misdirected anger to me. She wasn't happy with my brother and she was directing her anger at me, as if I was responsible for his behaviour. As if I forced him out to go drinking and to take drugs. I didn't.
Then on Sunday evening my brother was in a new fresh mood with my mother. He got up out of bed for about 4.30pm and he wanted to get a coffee from the kitchen.
My mother was all over him talking and chatting when all he wanted was to get a coffee. He started drinking on Sunday night and stayed drinking over night. He was in bed all day yesterday on Monday.
I felt last night my mother was in some sort of a mood with me. It was about 8pm last night and we were in the kitchen together and there was no talk or speech from her to me. I made an attempt but it was met with a one blunt word response so I stopped talking ate my dinner and went to bed. I feel lately at times that a lot of her talk and speech and conversation is only for my brother. Often there wouldnt be one word said to me but as soon as my brother rises, she's all talk.
At some point during the day yesterday she chatted with me as to why X didn't send any pictures lately. X being my sister in law and mother to my niece. She was always great at sending pictures then there was nothing all of this year. There hasn't been an incident there with her. She and my brother and niece lives abroad. I said to my mother that I don't know why, she is probably busy and she will be in touch in her own time. So that's something else that my mother wasn't happy about.
I was up early this morning to get ready for work. I was working early. I was about 5 minutes away to being ready and leaving and then my mother got up out of bed. The face on her said it all. Within moments she had nothing more but disdain to throw my way. She didn't argue with me as such but there was something wrong with her for sure. It was just her demeanour. It was so so so sharp and one that was filled with hatred. Barking a question to me.
So here she is brewing shit up all over again to throw at my back at some stage or another.
She will be like this now for the week ahead dishing out the silent treatment towards me and barking blunt shit my way. One of her favourite things to do is actually go looking for a fight too for example I remember one morning a few months ago getting ready for work and wanting to pack a lunch and she knew what I was doing and she stood in the way of the fridge. I knew if continued to pack my lunch and say 'excuse me, can I pass into the fridge' - she would blow up at me. So I fled to work without a lunch. She will be like this for the week. I just learned to work around it.
The root of it I feel is because my brother is at home, in his room and in his bed all day and ignoring her. She doesn't like it and she takes the anger out at me for some reason. It's not like I encourage my brother to drink or take drugs. In fact we hardly speak any more.
So here I am now at work for the day. I left home with my mother who had nothing more but fresh hatred and disdain for me. How am I supposed to handle this? How am I supposed to go home later on to a house where my mother won't talk to me because my brother is drugged up in his room and because I'm not a male to worship.
For what it's worth, it's not even her house. It's in my father's name and it's caught up in his debt problems and the place could be sold from under our feet at any time.
The main issue today for me is my mother has turned on me again because my brother has been stuck in his room all day yesterday and probably over the weekend too. She will carry out silent treatment to me all week long before blowing up in a rage. She always picks her fucking moments too like right before I have to go to work just to upset me for the day.