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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help me-I don't know what to do!

11 replies

mummyvontummy · 19/11/2007 22:33

I have been single for three and a half years and started uni this October. Made REALLY good friends with another mature student (with no kiddies) from luxemburg-really liked him from day 1 and we became great friends-just friends. We've had study groups together in the evenings from day 1 at my house as we have classes together every day-they started as big groups and have ended up him coming over with dinner every night after dd was asleep and housework done, and it started to get really electric this week (there's always been a bit of an atmosphere) and to cut a long story short we had a very lovely sexy romantic (ahem!) night on Friday-he told me how beautiful he thought I was and how wonderful term was going to be now we were together.
Then last night he did a complete u-turn and said he thought it was a terrible idea, we should stay friends as he doesn't want to mess the friendship up, which would be a fair point, but the electricity is still there and worse than ever because I am so angry at him for making me feel so used-I know he still really likes me and is coming round to go over an essay at 10-short of greeting him in underwear how do I change his mind? We're only taking the same courses this year, so if it went wrong we would only have Jan-March, and then May-June to be embarrassed, as we get huge study vacations.
I don't want a massive commitment thing, just a really nice, make me feel wanted and pretty again thing-as long as we kept it light dd wouldn't have to get involved with him as I only see him in lectures/classes when she's at nursery, and then when she's in bed xx

OP posts:
ginnedupumpkin · 19/11/2007 22:42

Sounds like he's scared. Maybe its the fact that you have a dd, he might feel like you want more than he can offer. It's mad but often men are scared of commitment, especially when kids are involved.
Be straight with him and tell him what you said in your last sentence (as long as you really can handle a no-commitment fling, and don't end up feeling used)
If he really wants to back track do you think you could go back to being 'just friends'?

mummyvontummy · 19/11/2007 22:48

We could stay friends, as we see each other solidly from 9am until about 2am (except between 5 and 10pm when I'm with dd) and it wasn't strained, just uncomfortable for anyone else in the room.
He invited us (dd and I) over to dinner and cooked for us on Saturday night-maybe that's what freaked him out? I've told him I couldn't cope with a "proper" relationship as dd is my no 1 priority and I don't want anything to overlap into her life, but don't know if he believes me! x

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michellexmx · 19/11/2007 22:49

Maybe it was just sex for him and if you are happy to continue with that, tell him, if you want more, I think you could be barking up the wrong tree... it's a man thing.

MEN!!!

They're another species.

xmx

mummyvontummy · 19/11/2007 22:51

And they call US complicated-just sex indeed! He he-I don't know-first interesting love attraction thing in three years and it's over in one night-I might whack my guard back up again! xx

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warthog · 19/11/2007 22:55

i'd try not to convince him. just enjoy the friendship and try to keep it light.

ginnedupumpkin · 19/11/2007 22:59

That might be it. If you haven't done it for 3 years, he might think you are attaching more importance to it than he is.
Or the fact that you said you don't want a proper relationship has made him scared of being hurt. Who knows - they are funny creatures!
Don't put your guard up again though, even if it doesn't work out with this guy, there are good guys out there somewhere (I have to keep telling myself this!!)

michellexmx · 19/11/2007 23:05

Plenty more fish in the sea...

trust me...

Get fishing girl!!!!

xmx

mummyvontummy · 19/11/2007 23:06

He he he, together we will find them! At least I got one night of deliciousness, and if we do stay friends at least if it turns into something it will do it naturally and if it doesn't then it wasn't meant to be. Why can't they mirror our (highly uncomplicated!) personalities! xx

OP posts:
mummyvontummy · 19/11/2007 23:08

I want the biggest rod there is please! Or maybe one tuned to investment bankers? Or entrepreneurs? xx

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michellexmx · 19/11/2007 23:18

You have the best rod... it's called seduction... we girls all have it...

USE IT WISELY!!!

As for asking me anything about men, i try not to think too much about them too much, they just confuse me.

xmx

michellexmx · 23/11/2007 21:57

Well....what happened????

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