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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can you ever escape your stalker Ex?

2 replies

ClearBluWater · 08/06/2021 09:46

I had a bad dream last night that my controlling, stalking ex tracked me down and was following me... the man that I left 20 years ago. These dreams probably happen every few months or so. It was never a physically abusive relationship but emotionally it was awful and it utterly wrecked my self esteem for years. I had gone to the police at the time but this was before they recognised coercive control, and I was told "I was lucky to have someone that liked me so much". I felt so vulnerable, I basically had to run away to get away from him as he was turning up at my work and home. I have done so much work on myself, particularly over the last five years; counselling and reading so much on the subject. I'm so much more self aware and I'm in a really good relationship now after a few false starts. However I'm still paranoid about him finding me via social media (which is completely locked down and private regardless) and still worry what to do if I came across him at a social or professional event. How do you get these men out of your head for good?

OP posts:
bendingbutnotsnapped · 08/06/2021 10:11

ClearBluWater Sad

I can't scroll and not answer this. Someone will be along with wiser words and support for you soon. Its flight or fight that kicks your legs out without warning, but you're a fighter and your feelings are valid no matter how long ago it was. x Flowers

maskface212 · 08/06/2021 10:48

OP you can contact the National Stalking Helpline for information and support: www.suzylamplugh.org/pages/category/national-stalking-helpline

They can help you with safety and advice as well as emotional support, so you feel safer. You can try BACP for a therapist. If you are having flashbacks and suffering from PTSD, you might find trauma centered therapy useful or EMDR. The police take stalking a lot more seriously now. Get yourself a personal alarm and there are also apps you can download: metro.co.uk/2021/03/13/six-of-the-best-safety-apps-for-women-walking-alone-at-night-14233244/

The national helpline will have more help and advice.

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