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Original poster

Disappeared after 4th date,why ?

17 replies

charmedbb · 07/06/2021 15:43

A month ago I had a date with a guy.
This was my first date since getting out of a bad relationship so wanted to take things slow.
He invited me on 3 more dates and we kissed once.
I told him I didn't want to rush into things.
He would text daily and since our last date Friday night I noticed not many texts and hours in between reply's.

Today he hasn't text and didn't reply last night.
I have a gut feeling it's because after 4 dates I didn't sleep with him.
After each date he told me he had a good time and always arranged next date.
Do you think it's because I hadn't slept with him yet?
After just 4 dates I just wasn't ready.

OP posts:
Fireflygal · 07/06/2021 15:48

Did you meet him on OLD? I suspect he has other people lined up so even if you had slept with him he may have disappeared.

If he has disappeared just be grateful you dodged him as after 4 dates I would have expected some maturity rather than just disappearing.

Original poster
charmedbb · 07/06/2021 15:51

Yeah I met him online.
He seemed like a nice guy.
Wasn't sure how attracted I was to him
Maybe he picked up on it

OP posts:
maskface212 · 07/06/2021 15:59

He wanted to get laid OP. Of course he's going to be charming. He did the three date thing, didn't get laid and went off to find someone else. I'm sorry this happened but at least you know what he's like.

VickyPicky1 · 07/06/2021 15:59

You seem way over invested if you think he has disappeared after not texting for one day. This is not taking it slowly at all.

That said, it is likely that he might have been seeing other people and become exclusive with someone else?

ALittleBitConfused1 · 07/06/2021 16:01

Yeah it couldve been the sex thing or he may have just felt it wasn't going anywhere. If you said you wanted to take it slow , only kissed once and he always arranged the dates he may have just picked up on you not being ready or that it just wasn't there so cut his losses. It doesn't sound like you were that interested so onto the next. I used to online date and you have to date a lot before you come across someone who sparks your interest, it's a numbers game lol.
Have fun with it, there will be a lot of stones mixed up with the gems.

Viviennemary · 07/06/2021 16:02

One kiss in four dates does seem a bit too keeping a distance. Even for me. Not sure what the Covid rules on kissing are.

Original poster
charmedbb · 07/06/2021 16:02

@VickyPicky1 it's because for the last month he has text every day,lots on conversation
So I know 100% he has changed his behaviour.
I very much doubt I will hear from him again.

OP posts:
Original poster
charmedbb · 07/06/2021 16:03

Tbh I didn't really feel a spark.

OP posts:
Honey83 · 07/06/2021 16:06

In my experience and of others Ive heard this is standard for OLD. People drop off/ghost all the time. You shouldn't feel any obligation to have sex before you are ready to keep a date so good for you and if that's what it's about then you are better off.

seensome · 07/06/2021 16:08

Maybe he felt the same as you, no spark
After3-4 dates you know if the chemistry is there, why are you worrying when you're not that into him, concentrate on finding someone else.

VickyPicky1 · 07/06/2021 16:08

@charmedbb he probably picked up on you not being into him then. Why were you dating him still and post a thread if you didn’t even feel a spark? Were you just using him for company and attention?

Original poster
charmedbb · 07/06/2021 16:13

No I wasn't using him.
I'm desperately trying to feel something again.
Ever since my ex I can't seem to get feelings or attractions for people.
He was a nice guy and if I wasn't so messed up I think I probably would have felt it.

OP posts:
WandaLust101 · 07/06/2021 16:17

I tried to do this. Went on countless dates in the hopes of finding a guy that would give me that feeling. Just didn’t work. You can’t go looking for it, not after a break up in any case. Sounds like you need some time to move on from your ex first before you start dating.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 07/06/2021 16:23

I agree with @WandaLust101, I did the same after the breakup of a very abusive relationship. My head was everywhere I didn't know what was real or not. I dated a shed load trying to just feel something and it was like I was numb, i soon realised it was trauma and I just had to stop dating and recover.
I dont know what your situation is op but if something isnt helping then its harming. All you need is patience and to be kind to yourself. Give yourself time to be single, then when you're ready you'll feel it.

MzHz · 07/06/2021 16:25

@charmedbb

Tbh I didn't really feel a spark.
This is why YOU should have knocked it on the head tbh.

Trust yourself, take some time and you’ll get there.

This is not a bad reflection on you. Know what you need, know what you want and don’t want and be firm

You’ll learn a lot and it will make you much stronger

You’re doing great, keep going

Specialized101 · 07/06/2021 19:13

Strangely,from my experiences the 3 date then sex thing seems to be an unwritten rule even amongst people with decent standards.
My last few relationships have all gone this way,all were decent ladies and the fourth date ended up with sleeping together every time,suggested by them rather than me.
Seems to be a thing amongst dating nowadays

BlueDucky · 07/06/2021 19:15

@charmedbb

Tbh I didn't really feel a spark.
That's fine then. He probably felt the same
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