Have I gone mad????

[ChiChi16]

I don't know why I've done this but I think I have gone mad!
I started a thread a few weeks ago called 'Emotional Affair'.
Since then I have experienced so many ups - where I think i will get rid of him and how dare he treat me the way he has and then I've experienced so many lows where I struggle to take a breath and feel like I can't cope without my husband in my life.
Yesterday, I didn't sleep all night (DH is sleeping in the spare room still) and I kept reading the messages he had been sending OW (I took a photo of them from his phone). The last message was on 2nd June where he messaged her about still loving her and wanting her...she didn't respond (I called her about it and she said she didn't receive the message because she has blocked his number). Anyway, due to lack of sleep and feeling very low, I called OW this morning and said I wanted her to tell DH that she does not love him and it was all fake (I've asked her a countless number of times if she wants him and she always says no, they just both got carried away - she lives in another country). She said, she would tell him she has got engaged to her boyfriend and tell him not to message her anymore. I agreed and she said she would call him over the next couple of days.
Now, thinking about what I have done (I emailed her to confirm I wanted her to do this).
What have I done?????

Why do you want to stay with your DH?

@GeorgousNightingale...I don't know, I think I am still in love with him and I think that if she is no longer available that he will come back to me and we put the last 6 months behind us...is that crazy?

It's understand able but crazy.

If your OH was ready to go or risk the relationship with you, it will likely happen again, especially as its not him breaking off with OW, but her.

You can't force someone to love you unfortunately

@baileys6904 - Thank you and you are right, I can't force him to love me but why as I allowing him to drag me through this for the past 6 months? I feel i am not thinking rationally and take a step forward towards ending this and then take 2 steps back hoping he will come out of this midlife crisis and realise what he is doing. Maybe I am holding on to something that ended 6 months ago, but how do i move forward?

It is understandable that you wish to end his fun and want him to be in emotional pain as you are, but his emotional pain will be for someone else.

I hope you get to a place where you see him for the lying cheating skunk he is and learn to detach from him because this man holds no safe future for you, only a world of pain.

x

Yes you have. Leave that woman alone. You are fighting over the scrag end OP. I know it's really tough, it's a rollercoaster, I'm sorry you're going through this but you have to sit on your hands. Can you get any support? Friends, relatives even a counsellor you can talk all this through with? Maybe ask him to move out for a while to clear your head because your behaviour is going to land you in trouble. You need to focus on the person who created all this damage and you hurt you and that's your husband, not this woman.

Delete the messages and get some help - said with nothing but good intentions.

@chichi16 cos it's scary as hell trying to leave everything you know and embark on some brand new journey on your own! It's like thr moment before a bungy jump where ur pretty sure you're going to do it, but you're absolutely terrified about what's going to come.
You do get the euphoria as well when you finally settle into it and realise that you're happier than you've been in a long time and are surviving absolutely fine. Takes a bit of 'proverbial' swinging and dangling, but it happens

I can understand the panic and desperation OP, but that’s what it is.

Block her number, and ask him to leave for a few months. See if he fights for you, see if you even want him to once the initial antic subsides. He really doesn’t sound like a catch.