Please tell me it'll be ok...

[Champagne16378]

Hi everyone,

I'm feeling particularly low and weak at the moment, so please be gentle with your responses please.

It's looking more and more likely that dh and I will be separating this year. Differing views on life goals (which he has changed his mind on since we married), lack of empathy (from him), quick to anger (him), we've had three rounds of relationship counselling long, which hasn't really worked. I don't feel like I'm in a partnership with him - he wants to live life on his terms and it increasingly feels like I have two choices: go along with it and be unhappy, or leave. We have one DC, aged 2.

I'll turn 35 this year, and am quite frankly terrified at the prospect of how to get through this. I'd absolutely love to have more DC, but finding myself a single mother aged 35, starting again and navigating a divorce, I am scared that I will lose my chance to have more children. I don't want my DC to grow up seeing our relationship as one to model, as deep down I know it's not healthy. And it's not making me happy.

I suppose I'm asking for a hand hold, and also asking if you think I have time to meet someone and have a healthy relationship and another DC? This isn't the life I imagined for us. To be clear, my absolute priority will be my DC, and I wouldn't be interested in looking for a new relationship so soon. I suppose I'd just like to hold out hope that it could happen and it's not too late. Thank you.

I met my DH when I was older than you! And kids later on (before 40 for my 1st but not much before 40!). It absolutely can be done. You're so young and you have such a long life ahead of you. I think you're very brave and absolutely doing the right thing.

The thing is OP you already know how things will be if you stay, you've already said you will be unhappy. If you go the future is uncertain but at least there is the scope and possibility there for you to be happy, surely that's better than certain misery? The initial upheaval is scary as hell but getting through the divorce will at least have an end point, can you really see yourself staying with someone who makes you unhappy indefinitely?

You'll be ok. I was. I am.

I split from XH at age 32 with a 4 year old. I thought at the time that I wanted another serious relationship and another child.
As it turned out I needed a long time to recover from that relationship and also was establishing my career. By the time I thought about dating in any serious way DS was a fair bit older and I was actually really happy on my own.
It turns out for me that one child was the right number of children and I am very happy, age 40 with one nearly teen and a lovely boyfriend who doesn't live with us.
You'll be absolutely fine, I promise. Whether you have another child or not, you'll be fine.

Get out now. I waited 10 years, I wish I hadn’t

Thank you everyone for your responses. It's such a comfort to read them and it gives me strength to do what I deep down know I need to do.