Am I too fussy? Why is it so easy for everyone else?!

[troobleflooble]

Since my last LTR ended about 3yrs ago I've had one 'relationship' which lasted about 9 months but turns out he was cheating on me the whole time (hence why I say 'relationship' as it wasn't actually real). I am OLD as I don't have any other way of meeting people irl and I'm finding it almost impossible to find someone who fits with what I want and also actually wants a relationship as opposed to just sex.

Yet all around me I find people (women mostly) who break up from relationships, sometimes very long ones, and seem to find 'the one' almost straight away! One friend broke up with her DP of 9yrs and within 2 months had found another DP, within 4 months of dating he'd moved in and they'd gotten engaged. We became single at almost the same time so the difference is really stark to me.

Another girl I know broke up with her bf about a month ago. Is already in another relationship. Same with the previous bf, and both were reasonably long relationships.

Am I too fussy?! Why can't I find anyone! It's starting to really piss me off and I'm really trying not to but I'm becoming a bit jealous and bitter 😞

If you have a look at the threads on here , a lot of women have ridiculously low standards. Some also seem to put up with quite a lot because their clock is ticking and they want kids. Given the age dating pool, quite a few men will have or want kids so that's another portion struck off.

You don't have the kids issue or other needs so you're less willing to compromise on your musts. That's not a bad thing.

Yeah, good point there, I also didn't have a driving license when I met DH, he supported me in getting one. The must have a full time job one actually means must not be a cocklodger, so it doesn't matter if the work is not full time, as long as he supports himself.

I do wonder if some of these people that jump straight from one relationship to the next one pretty much straight away even have time to change the bedsheets😀😀
Keep your standards OP
Some people can’t stand being on their own and will take pretty much anyone as long as they can say they aren’t single

OK sorry I've only read half the thread. I actually don't think you're being fussy enough!

Your list of what you don't want is pretty minimal. And all fair enough. But what DO you want? It might actually be easier to accept you deserve it if you had the courage to name it... do you want someone who's well off, a huge party animal, an opera lover, a workaholic, a total introvert you only wants you, passionate about gardening/anything ... what? And why?

@Bananalanacake I get what you mean, I've been with a few cocklodgers and I 100% do not want to go there again!

Working part time but supports themselves/is working toward full time/lives frugally/is studying, etc = totally fine

Not working or working few hours because they are living with mummy and so don't have to/are lazy/unmotivated/expect someone else to pay for everything = not fine. It's on a case by case basis 😆

Oops posted too soon!

@PermanentTemporary the actual list of things I want is waaaay longer but those are just the real dealbreakers.

I don't particularly care about job/income/height. I want someone who isn't too much older or younger than me, has similar interests and energy, has a brain and is able to hold a decent conversation on a wide variety of subjects and adores me. I want, for once, to be someone's priority and to be (generally speaking) put first in their life. I've never had that before and I'd really like to know what it feels like to be truly and completely loved by someone. Hence no kids as I would always be number 2 at best.

Agree energy is a HUGE one.

Well. I hope things shift. You only need one...

Im wondering the same OP. I've recently started to join OLD and I just don't get any matches and the ones I do never respond.

My criteria is quite strict when it comes to age, distance, non smoking etc but I can't see the point in going outside what I'm looking for as we would just be wasting our time

personally, I think my time will come when we are getting out and about more and chatting to people we meet on nights out and maybe that's the same for you

Your pool of potential partners is directly related to how particular you are. People who find relationships easily are settlers. But they don't want to hear that. Just figure out what compromises you will and will not accept and then filter.

Many people will get it into a relationship with someone they aren't sexually attracted to, this widens the pool ALOT.

@SamW98 yeah that's exactly my thinking, I don't see the point in compromising on the things I want because even though it might work in the short term I would eventually run into problems. It wouldn't be right to waste either of our time.

@WaterBottle123 I absolutely would not get into a relationship with someone I wasn't attracted to. They don't have to be stunning looking but they do have to have something about them that I find attractive and appealing because sex is a big part of a relationship for me and I couldn't do that with someone I had no attraction to!

My exh found the next ‘one’ almost immediately after we separated. For him I think ‘the one’ is anyone who would buy a house with and marry him. The specifics of the actual person, I suspect, are utterly interchangeable.

I split up from my ExH over 5 years ago. In that time Ive had a 10 month relationship, which should have ended at 5. I was new to dating and mumsnet at the time! I've since had the odd 3 month relationship since.

I rarely swipe right. I have a criteria of what I would like. Seems that those I like, don't like me. But Id rather be single than settle like I did with my husband. I couldn't go through that again....not ever being put first, usually last.

I think it's ok to have high standards, the whole bed and sole possession of the remote control until someone quite wonderful does come along! I'm ever hopeful of finding that person, even at 49.