Confused about divorce

[Wherediditgo]

Am I correct in thinking that, unless there has been ‘unreasonable behaviour’, you cannot file for divorce unless you’ve been separated for 2 years?

And if so, how does that work with finances etc? H & I have discussed how we would split assets and chided are etc and are both broadly comfortable with what we have agreed. I have a consultation booked with a solicitor to discuss further.

However, if you cannot actually file for divorce for 2 years then assuming any financial decisions we make now are meaningless and would have to be re-visited at the end of the 2 year period of separation anyway?

Most people divorce by agreeing to use unreasonable behaviour as the grounds. Then they just use some stock examples. These can be found on google. Or just make them up.

No one else will see the petition. It’s meaningless if you want it to be.

What Lemon said.

For some reason my exH didn't want me to use his cheating as unreasonable grounds. It was no skin off my nose at the time so I agreed to wait 2 years. We had a separation agreement written up by a solicitor (covered our agreement for what would happen on completion of the divorce/in the meantime) which was then sent off with the divorce papers to show the financial agreement was already in place and dealt with. Smooth sailing.

Most people just agree together what 'unreasonable' means and who is going to be the one to call, it's not something public, you can write a reply denouncing the whole thing if it makes you feel better and it gets a job done. If they refuse to consider anything unreasonable... Well that's a bit unreasonable in itself, but I can see why you might want to avoid conflict and wait. You can separate finances in the meantime. Alternatively he could be the one to write it, even if it you disagree fully it's private and it's done.

We had a legally agreed separation agreement that covered finances and childcare. It was rubber stamped when we got divorced. By then we'd sold the house and split the equity and so forth, I think the only remaining things that got sorted were the pension splits.

Ok thanks for the replies. I guess if it’s meaningless then it doesn’t matter what we use as a reason!

The only consideration you should have is whether it suits you to sever finances now or later.

If you need a couple of years in the family home (school, job or whatever) then stalling over things like this can give you that time.

But if you can rip the plaster off now, then I would. The sooner you adjust to the financial hit, the quicker you recover. Plus dragging it out, drags out the inevitable tension that arises from splitting the money. Which isn’t good for children.

We agreed that I would file based on his unreasonable behaviour, but he and his solicitor wrote the list of his unreasonable behaviours. It was fairly anodyne stuff that he agreed with like “failing to provide emotional support” and “prioritising work over family relationships” and was possibly the easiest thing to agree on.