My husbands talking about seperation.

[typolisa]

My husband isn't happy. We've been married 6 years and we have a 5 year old. He is talking about leaving me and I feel like my whole world is collapsing. Everything I thought was safe and secure is broken. Everything I have I'm going to lose. All my future plans will change. I haven't slept properly in ages and my major concern is how do I explain this to our 5 year old? And how do I go on taking him to school, working, picking him up, entertaining him, being a mum when all I want to do is throw up and lay in bed crying?? I know this phase will pass but for now I honestly don't know how to cope. Please be gentle and kind, I know I'm being pathetic but I'm in shock.

You’re not being pathetic at all. Has he said why he’s unhappy and wants to split up? Are you still living together?

Is it worth suggesting counselling to work things through?

He just said he's not happy in general. When I asked "with me?" He just shrugged. I got him to go to therapy with me but it's been a few weeks and I feel him pulling away. It's like living with a polite stranger. He doesn't touch me or talk to me much or come to bed til like 3am. If it weren't for our son he'd have left already I'm sure. I can't live with the uncertainty. Even if he does decide to stay I don't think I'll ever feel safe again like if this can randomly happen.

What a nasty shock OP. Do you suspect he might have feelings for someone else?

I have no idea. I don't think so but... I didn't expect any of this so what do I know! My whole life feels unreal right now!

In all of this you haven’t really mentioned your feelings for him... are you more upset about him leaving or the fact that if he does leave you won’t have the life you wanted?

It’s not fair of him to keep you in this limbo, it’s prolonging the torture for you.

He needs to decide, and if he can’t I suggest you take control and ask him to leave. Yes it will be hard, but harder still living like this and just waiting for him to leave.

You will be ok, I promise you will, but it will take time. Lean on family and friends, drink even if you can’t eat much and rest when you can. Don’t let him do this to you OP, he needs to either shit or get off the pot.

I love him like a best friend. That's how I feel about him. I'll miss him but I won't be heartbroken romantically. I'll be heartbroken for our child.

Sorry to say OP but men rarely leave unless they have an OW (or a potential OW) already lined up.

If you love him like a best friend and no longer like a romantic connection then no doubt he feels the same way too by the looks of it and that part of the relationship has run its course, it's just that he was the one to call it which is always a shock to be on the end of even though you might know in your heart it's the right decision for both of you.

Your child will do well with two happy separate parents who co-parent together. I explained it to my DD at the time (she was 7) that mum and dad still loved each other but would just live in two houses instead of one and her life with us both would carry on the same.

I take it your sex life isn't the best if you 'love him like a best friend' and not romantically. It is really hard to get those feelings back once they're gone. Don't worry about your child, they will be ok, and really its much better to have two happy separated parents than living inside an unhappy relationship with simmering resentment. You could (and probably will) meet someone else eventually who you do feel romantic love for. It really can be a very positive thing for all involved.

Thank you. It's true. This is no longer a romantic or sexual relationship and that does make me sad but ... I guess I just wasn't expecting this. I think I'd convinced myself this was the price we paid to have a calm, secure relationship with no arguing. I'm not convinced I can ever have it all, but maybe he can if he leaves.

Sometimes in these situations you can’t see the wood for the trees. I was exactly where you are 22 years ago. Romantic love had turned to friendly love, sex had fallen off a cliff, one DS aged 5. We split up and 22 years later our son is fine, he spent his time between our homes and me and his mum still get on buying each other’s kids presents at Xmas and birthdays etc. It can be done but it takes a huge amount of strength to get through this part of it. Whether he has feelings for someone else is irrelevant based on what you have said as it sounds like the romantic love has died for both of you in any case. It would cloudy the waters but don’t fixate on it.

I can't imagine ever feeling romantic or sexual again but... we'll see! This is a shock but I guess one day maybe it'll be for the best. Not looking forward to the next few months though.

@ahnowted absolute bollocks. Just like many women post on here about having enough needing to leave a relationship, men have the same experiences. Especially as it appears the OP and her OH are more best friends than more. It's not fair to try and upset her even more with something you have zero idea about.

OP it will get easier and you'll likely thank him, when you find your romantic other half rather than you friendly OH