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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why does my male colleague do this?

35 replies

okkkkk · 06/06/2021 22:01

I work in a team of 10 people, we are all around the same age (mid 20s). I have a male colleague who is really nice but I think he does treat me differently to our other colleagues.

One example is when we had our assessments with our manager he specifically said in front of everyone (including our manager) in a meeting that I was ready for my assessment and that I was doing really well (I definitely wasn't doing well as I was still really new and still being trained - at first I thought he was trying to sabotage me but I now understand through subsequent conversations that he genuinely thought I was doing well). Another time, I was training a new colleague and he told them I'm great and they will learn a lot by working with me. In the break room if ever there are treats brought in by our manager and I don't grab one as I sit down he will come and bring me them and will always check whether I've had any to make sure they don't all go before I have had the chance to have some (not in a controlling way, just in a nice way). He is always making sure I take all of my breaks. All nice things.

He has recently had a promotion so now is more senior and he moved departments. He came over and told my supervisor how lucky she is to have me in her team and how great I am completely out of the blue. He has done this a couple of times now. There was also a period of a few weeks where my workload was doubled as my colleague was absent and there was no cover. I was doing fine but struggled to take all of my breaks and he noticed and when I said it's fine, it's just a temporary busy period and I don't mind he raised it in a meeting with the managers to ensure that it didn't happen to me again.

I can't tell if he's just being nice or whether there is more to it.

OP posts:
LordEmsworth · 07/06/2021 09:05

He doesn't fancy you.

He thinks you are intelligent and capable, and he recognises that part of the role of managers (generally) is to support more junior staff.

I speak as a female manager who does all those things with certain men as well as women in my team, when I think there is a risk their work / abilities won't be recognised and I know I can help "boost" them. (Apart from the snacks thing, I'm not their mum).

None of this means that I fancy them, and I am taken aback to hear that it's creepy.

HollowTalk · 07/06/2021 09:12

I think that he thinks you are great. Do you fancy him?

Aprilx · 07/06/2021 09:20

I don’t think what you describe are the kind of things that people do when they fancy someone, they would be risking their professional credibility. It sounds more like he has seen potential and decided to champion you.

Branleuse · 07/06/2021 10:52

maybe he likes you and is being extra nice, or maybe you have imposter syndrome and you actually are doing better than you think.
Honestly unless it starts getting weird, then try not to overthink it.

okkkkk · 07/06/2021 19:13

I'll try not to overthink it then. :)

Either way I have really appreciated how kind and supportive he has been to me. I'm really grateful to work with such great colleagues.

OP posts:
okkkkk · 08/06/2021 12:25

I thought that I didn't fancy him but now whenever I see him I get butterflies, argh Blush

OP posts:
AgeLikeWine · 08/06/2021 12:33

He sounds like a nice guy, and it definitely sounds like he fancies you. Smile

Cissyandflora · 09/06/2021 15:36

Just that it all sounds very lovely. Not the normal work gripes.

Cissyandflora · 09/06/2021 15:36

@Cissyandflora

Just that it all sounds very lovely. Not the normal work gripes.
Sorry- that was my reply to Op!
optimistic40 · 09/06/2021 18:40

Hmm... well, if you fancy him, try a subtle flirt and see if he runs with it!

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