Ex husband's elderly father keeps trying to contact me

[badminton2021]

Ex husband has new wife but to my knowledge, she has nothing to do with father in law. To be frank, FIL was a useless dad and my ex was poisoned against him by his mother so has no contact.
FIL lives abroad and is mid 80's now. I know that for the last 30 plus years, he's tried to make amends with my ex but to no avail (ex is mid 50's and still very much a mummy's boy). I felt sorry for him, mainly because he's an elderly man and also because I lost my dad when I was 27, so it irks me that the ex won't engage.
I've detached myself from all of the exes family since we divorced but the FIL writes to me every few months, asking how things are.
Shall I write back or disengage ?

Why do you think he would want contact with you? Just so we can answer with that in mind. Were you particularly close? Do to have children he is related to?

I think he is still yearning to have time with his son before he dies. He's a nice chap but he's never had anything to do with his grandchildren (my kids). His emails are always asking questions about the ex..... which I cannot abide as I want to ride my mind of anything to do with him!! LOL!
I guess I just feel sorry for him?

If you feel sorry for him, just write back and say "sorry, I can't tell you anything about [wotsit] as we're no longer together, but the children are doing well with their [blah blah]" and attach a couple of photos. You don't have to communicate on his terms.

I think I'd reply to nip it in the bud, telling him that you have no contact with your ex, you know nothing about his current life, and you have no interest in doing so.

And provide ex current contact details if you have them.

@category12

If you feel sorry for him, just write back and say "sorry, I can't tell you anything about [wotsit] as we're no longer together, but the children are doing well with their [blah blah]" and attach a couple of photos. You don't have to communicate on his terms.

This /\

I don't think I'd engage. He has an agenda which is not about you or the grandchildren, which I would possibly have tolerated. I wouldn't provide X's details either, that could be opening a can of worms. I wouldn't be happy if someone passed my details on.

How many letters has he sent you to date?.

What SpongeBob has written here. Do not get further drawn in by this man who has likely contacted you because he sees you as a sort of soft touch because you were married to his son. Your ex will still not engage with his dad and that is a fact you have to fully respect and accept. If you're going to get annoyed with anyone here it needs to be with his now old father who is tapping you for information.

How has he tried to make amends with his son exactly?. You should not always take as gospel what you've been told here about your ex's early family life particularly if its come from him.

I don't really see the harm in op responding if she feels she wants to. Obviously not to tell him anything about the ex or give his contact details, but as an independent entity.

He is her dc's grandparent, plus he's in his 80s and abroad.

Whatever his "agenda", there's little he can do to advance it if she responds on her own terms and with good boundaries.

I agree with category 12.

He is your children’s family and I would respond centering communications around your children.

I think it’s a bit weird to be chatting with ex FiL when your ex husband does not do so, and has a new wife to boot. It’s not really your place.

He is using you to get to your ex anyway. Is it worth potentially causing tension with your ex for a man who only needs you as a conduit? TBH he would probably drop you if he got what he wanted ie his son.