I really want to find a partner. Where am I going wrong

[eatsleepdream]

I'm a single mother to two kids and work 5 days a week. I get some childcare from my parents, but it's not guaranteed. I have tried online dating and I just hate it and haven't clicked with anyone (I've probably been on 15 dates) I would really like to meet someone, but if I go out all my friends are married, so no chance of meeting someone then and I struggle to join any clubs as I don't have consistent childcare. I would really like to meet someone know and do believe I have a lot to offer and really know what I want and where my boundaries are. I would love some advice.

No advice but I’m the same, single mum and I’ve been single for 5 years! So starting to think it’s definitely time for me to meet someone. So following with interest

Keep living your life your life to the full, accept every invitation to get out and about, take opportunities to make friends and keep your chin up - you’ll meet someone. And if you don’t straightaway you’ll enjoy yourself anyway so it’s a win-win 😀

Maybe volume? I did a lot of OLD before meeting partner. Didn’t have the childcare issue though, so possibly not helpful!

Let your friends and colleagues know that you’re open to being introduced to potential partners.

We don’t know anything about you so there’s way more context needed really.

Im sorry if this also sounds harsh but if you have young children, that can be a barrier for some. Maybe they haven’t got kids of their own yet, or they do and don’t necessarily think a blended family is for them, or two sets of childcare to navigate so you can meet up is a lot to arrange. I’m not saying you won’t meet anyone, but there are some who wouldn’t necessarily want to date someone with very young children. When I was internet dating a few years ago I wouldn’t consider dating a man with children at all.

Finding someone to go on a date with hasn't been an issue. I get asked on plenty of dates online and they know I have kids, it's just I don't really feel it. I've been on a fair few dates, but I just don't like the whole online dating thing and feel no spark. My kids are 9 and 6, so not really little now. I'm in my early thirties, I've been told I'm attractive, but I am a bit on the chubby side. All my close girl mates know I want to date again and I've recently started a new job, so I guess I could potentially meet someone.

Maybe don’t give up with the online dating? I know it can be tiring and demoralising- I did it for 8 long years!!!- but I met my lovely partner in the end. It’s a numbers game. All it takes is one lovely guy who likes you and you like him!
Alongside doing that, like another poster said, accept every invitation to everything, (where it works with childcare of course).
Don’t give up 🌸

It's good to hear some positive stories. I did meet someone who was perfect on paper and we had a few dates, but there just wasn't a spark. I will try and get out more now too. Thank you

I think unfortunately you do just have to keep at it. I did online dating for about 4 years before meeting my partner.

Most of the dates were fine but just didn't feel it, some went well, and some awful. Eventually it worked out though!

I met my husband on Plenty of Fish and I had 3 children so it is definitely possible. Some men don't want a woman with kids but for many if they meet the right person they don't mind. I got a lot attention on the dates sites but I decided to become more picky as I was wasting my time spending ages talking to and meeting men I wasn't really into. I took some time out ignored the majority of my messages and that is when my husband messaged me and I decided to meet. Just try not to take it too seriously.

Like you I’m a single parent with very little input from exh. I stayed single until DC started school & I could increase my hours at work. That gave me the opportunity to pay for a babysitter which enabled me to get out once again after 4.5 years alone.

I tried OLD and found it a complete waste of time. In fact after 6 months I had lost all faith in men and stopped. Instead I focused on my hobbies and met guys very easily that way. Not all have been great but the OLD experience helped me weed out the time wasters & red flags very effectively.

Good luck.

I think it's a numbers game on OLD.

Do you have any friends or family who could fix you up?

It might be a better route to expand your social circle generally rather than specifically looking for a partner, more friends means more friends of friends and acquaintances who might be of interest.

OLD is good as long as you don't take it too seriously, but if you have really limited childcare, it is a bit of a bugger to keep trying to organise babysitting. I would keep on with the OLD, but I would also talk to all my friends and remind them that if they have any single male friends or relatives, that I was happy to be introduced. That sounds stupidly formal, but I'm sure you can find a better way to phrase it!

My kids were 5 and 3 when I met DP on OLD. He did not have DC and one of the first things he told me was that he hadn't wanted them... I very nearly cancelled our date! But 4 years later we are engaged and DC3 (for me) is on the way. I work full time and the DC are with their dad EOW. It can be done. Of course now it doesn't matter whether they're with me or not but at first it did take a bit of patience, and making really nice plans for the time we did spend together to make it special. Good luck!

I think you just need to try and enjoy the dates for fun social occasions and keep plugging away until you find a spark with someone. It took me years (sorry!) but had lots of fun dates along the way and some shorter quasi-relationships. I kind of miss getting dressed up for a first date now, though I’m beyond grateful to have met my lovely fiancée.

@FourTurnings

Keep living your life your life to the full, accept every invitation to get out and about, take opportunities to make friends and keep your chin up - you’ll meet someone. And if you don’t straightaway you’ll enjoy yourself anyway so it’s a win-win 😀

This advice could have come straight out of Just Seventeen or Jackie in the 70s or 80s or Petticoat in the 60s.

And that is not a criticism, in fact it's the exact opposite. Things really don't change that much, basically.

This is good advice!

Sandra I grew up on a diet of Just Seventeen 😀

@FourTurnings @Sandra15 That’s a blast from the past. I used to think Just Seventeen (and Sugar) were so grown up and cool! 😂

Thanks for all your lovely replies. I'm going to keep on with OLD and get out more x

OP I have similar age kids and feel the same. OLD is hard work, lots of time wasters. It's good to hear that some single mums have had success though, even if it's taken lots of dates! I agree that focusing on work and making your life good and 'attractive' is also win-win. People are attracted to people who have their own lives sorted and are content. It will come across on your dates that you're looking for a relationship and not 'desperate'.

Try not to give up on “dates” too easily. A spark doesn’t always happen straightaway. I would give the nice ones another chance or two.