Cheating boyfriend

[Kelly1511]

I have recently discovered messages of my boyfriend of 8 years years wanting to pay for sex. Looking at the messages he was going to meet her and paid a deposit fee but she text back saying she'd come on period and he didn't want to meet after her telling him that. He has sent a few other emails to other girls asking if there available to meet. It's all from a website called adult work. I looked on his phone when it was accidently unlocked which I know was bad but now iv found this out not sure how to confront him. We have recently bought a house and have a 4 year old daughter. I want to leave now but money/ available houses in the area are hard to come by and no family are close by. What do I do?

Hi

Have you confronted him?

You may have found the tip of the iceberg here.

Self care first, eat well, keep hydrated, try to rest, exercise, you’ll be in shock. You’re going to need STD checks.

If I were you I’d kick him out, and seek advice on his to proceed as you have a child together.

I’m reconciled with a husband who had an affair and I honestly believe people can change but paying for sex is a whole different level of betrayal, it’s so utterly calculated, selfish and entitled.

I’m so sorry.

I think you need to leave him. Are you ok? Have you got any real life support?

How long ago did he send these messages? It wouldn’t matter for me - use of sex-workers would be a deal-breaker, but I guess maybe it depends on your views on this, and if there were other things going on at this point in your relationship?

Who's name is the house in? Who paid what percentage wise? You would be wise to talk to someone about how to go about selling up.

As pp said, see about an sti test too.

Keep note of all the evidence you can about what he has done so the snake cant try to wriggle out of it and gaslight you.

You need to leave him but I would get the practicalities of things sorted first before confronting him.

Then ideally have him leave. Tell him it's because you need time to think. But it's in reality so that you can do things like getting the house on the market/looking for another place without his interference.

From my experience, expect him to lie. 'I was just looking, I wouldn't have gone through with it.' 'Someone must have hacked my phone/email'. 'I was just testing to see if you were checking up on me ... and you were'.

Get STD tested, ask him to leave, under no circumstances move out yourself and see a solicitor. The trust is gone and it won't come back.