I feel terrified and don’t know what to do.

[Litgal]

I am very scared of my daughter who is in her early 20s. However, I need to tell her she needs to leave my property.

I do not live there, but she moved in without my permission because my mother gave her the keys and moved her in there without my knowledge although she knew I wanted to sell it.

She has been very violent and unstable since puberty. She was given all kinds of help and was even given a hostel where her friend lived too. However, she simply left as it wasn’t good enough for her and she didn’t want to stay and wait.

She lives a champagne lifestyle funded by my mother. She doesn’t want to have any responsibilities or to grow up at all.
She said she has Borderline Personality Disorder and I don’t know if this is an official diagnosis or not. She said she read it on the internet.

I don’t know what to do as she threatens me with violence. She has also teamed up with her father who violently abused me. When I left him he stalked me for years and continued to violently attack me in public in the street. He would break in and stand at the end of my bed in the early hours of the morning. I could go on and on about the scary and horrific things he did. He even attacked people who had any association with me. The courts and the police warned me my life was in danger and that he “lacked empathy.”

When she got wind that I wanted to sell before, she drove a good few miles to my home to threaten me. She started kicking my door continuously screaming and shouting. She then started to approach my neighbours and was shouting obscenities about me.
We called the police and she was laughing saying I am going to wait for them.
They took her away and spoke to us. She turned on the manipulative tears to the police.
I have a crime reference number.

My mother called me and berated me for calling the police. I grew up in a very violent home and I was very affected by it, but always tried to soldier on. I ended up seriously ill in hospital last year, which I think was caused by being surrounded by constant bullying.

I have even been too scared to go in the property to take photos.

Can anybody give me any advice or solutions on how I can approach this?

I am terrified.

PinotPony - thank you for explaining the procedure and what you have to do if you take that route. My mind just spins and ruminates when I try to focus on what to do and where to turn. I wish I had asked on here before.

Bigbaggyeyes - yes I agree they won’t stop. My mother hates me so much that she didn’t come to the hospital to visit me when the doctors were telling me they think I had a terminal illness; all because I said I needed this sorted. Oh well, I have to focus now.

I’m scared damage my be caused to the property though. Im racking my brains to think how I can prevent this. I would like to go there but she will probably be in, as she isn’t working.

Thank you La Bellini and Elieza for your kind words and anyone else I may have missed out, to thank for taking the time to respond.

I start a new job soon and I am worried about how I’m going to handle all the pressure.

I think for your own mental health you should sell the house and move somewhere where you can start again and where they can't find you. I'd even research how to legally change my surname.

I'd pay the estate agents to deal with the situation you have. She needs to be evicted. She can clearly go to stay with your mum. Chances are your mum couldn't stand living with her either, which is why she paid so much to have her in your house.

You shouldn't have anything to do with your dad, either. I'm really sorry you've been ill and I hope you're better now. It's pretty clear that it's your upbringing that led to you being with your violent ex. If I were you I'd steer clear of relationships until you've gone through counselling. Sell up, move away and live a life on your own. Look carefully at any new friends, but try to make them in places where people don't tend to be so dramatic and extreme - walking groups, craft classes, yoga classes, that sort of thing.

I actually wouldn't set foot in the house again if that's going to cause you so much stress. You will be able to get an estate agent to deal with it - they are used to it.

This new job - does anyone in your family know that you're going to be working there? How far is it from where they all live?

You can actually do this by not having ANY contact with them at all.

There are good reputable companies who will start the eviction process for you and when you get an Order they will activate guys to remove her should she refuse.

You stay well out if it and Safe. 🌸

Stay far away OP. So sorry you are going through this. Sending strength.

Why is it your mother, who doesn't care if you have contact with her, had your keys to give to your daughter.
I think you'd be best off going N/C with the lot of them. Sell up, move on, no details of where, and enjoy calm and peace in life. Sounds like your daughter is best left to your mother as she seems to want the job.

HollowTalk

I was writing a response and it disappeared.

I heard that an Estate Agent could deal with it. I thought it would put them off though. That would be easiest. I don’t really know what to say to them.

Yes everything you just said about my mother is the exact scenario. My father has been crossing boundaries and shouting at me and belittling me. I wish I hadn’t got back in contact when I was in the hospital. He let slip he uses psychological techniques on people and he always has an agenda. This makes me so anxious. I’m feel surrounded again.

I have no business being in relationships everyone I have chosen is a different flavour of the same thing. I don’t do it on purpose though.

I am far enough away and I have another DC here with me. They don’t know about work.

BlueButtercups that sound like heaven not having to deal with them, but I am worried they may damage everything.

Opentooffers

I used to trust my mother that’s why. That is over now she has done much worse that I don’t want to say.

I have had a lifetime of hurt and this is a hurdle I have to get over to get some peace for once. NC wouldn’t bother me as I have had a lifetime of hurt, I just have to accept it and keep soldiering on.

Why is your mum so involved? It seems she’s the bigger problem here. How come she had a key?

I’d be contacting your mum and saying she needs to pay for your daughter to go somewhere else as you are selling the house and getting an estate agent in on X day and if she’s not gone you will be taking legal action against the mother for giving your key to someone without your permission.
If you would allow your DD to stay then I’d try and mend a relationship without your mum.

Just because they’re family don’t let them walk all over you. If they’re disrespecting you then treat like you would anyone else.

I would engage a solicitor to go down the formal eviction process if she will not leave voluntarily. At least this way you don't need to deal with her directly. Once evicted change all locks and don't share the keys.

The domestic element would fall to the police, removing her from the house would have to be done via court and an eviction. Id get in contact with a solicitor, report the domestic element to the police and have a lock ready to change the seconds she been legally turfed out. It may have to be you get her officially evicted via courts etc unfortunately

Call the police to remove her and change the locks. Then sell your house, cut the lot of them out of your life, and start fresh. I really feel for you. Sending much love and wishes for a better future for you.

could you suggest your parents or your daughter buy it off you if they want it, or pay you rent.
Who was living there before?

Aren’t there companies that specialise in this stuff? I’m sure I’ve watched those Tenants from Hell type programs where the company turns up and basically evicts them and changes the lock? My concern would then be that your daughter might try and break back in or damage the property in some way.

Hi I was abused by my mother and haven't had anything to do with her since I finally broke free age 15. I was bullied at school a lot. I have been manipulated by snakes throughout my working life. Some of us are 'easy targets'. I solved this by walking away from toxic situations. But you can't run forever and eventually you need to turn around and face difficulties head on. You sound like you are afraid of violent confrontations. My advice would be to address this issue by looking for self defence courses for women. It would build your confidence and enable you to stand up to bullies. Then you can do whatever you need to re. the house without fearing physical attack. Xx

You may well have to evict her legally.

I would talk to a solicitor, put it in their hands to deal with as much as possible, and stop all contact with the whole lot of them. The family you have are not worth having.

Definitely speak to the police and a solicitor and see what they advise

Believe me I don’t want contact with them. I’m used to seeing loving families on TV and thinking, oh that would’ve been nice, but oh well I just accept it and move on.

Lazplus2 and Calmyertits thank for you input it’s all helping me think about options and scenarios.

When you say speak to a solicitor could I speak to a conveyancing solicitor?

Justanotherneighinparadise - yes I am afraid of this.

Red Bonnet - I’m sorry you had to go through that. I don’t want to face violence at all. I have had enough of it. Thank you, I know I have to face this, I just have no one to turn to ever in life so my mind would just spin and ruminate. I wish I had posted on here earlier; you have all been very helpful.

I really want to get photos of everything, but she must be always in.

Iamfleshiambone- thank you for your kind words. It means a lot to me.

Branleuse - that is not an option I’m Agra and the trust has been decimated now.

I think I would go to the CAB and see if they can support you to contact the police and explain things, as it sounds like some support in this would be helpful.
Or one of the DV orgs mentioned above

A conveyancing solicitor won't evict a squatter or tenant, they'll only sell the property. You need a property litigation solicitor.

solicitors.lawsociety.org.uk/

No point trying to get an estate agent involved with a unhelpful tenant in the place, no one will buy if it's clear there is someone in the property who won't move out.

So it's legal advice to get evicted. Which may get delegated to be those eviction guys but needs to be done legally anyway.

NautaOcts I do need support definitely. I have had my father phoning me and using psychological abuse on me and belittling me today.

I need somebody to turn to.

Sounds like you have it coming at you from all sides ☹️
Try and get yourself a CAB appointment so you can have someone in your corner helping through the legal side of things

I told my daughter I wanted her to move out and she went beserk as expected. Lots of threats about karma and hints that she will be ruin the place.

Because I would not listen to her she texted my ds at school and told him she would come round if I don’t answer.

I text my mother to make it clear that I would be calling the police if she comes here. Anyway she didn’t come. My mother told her she was not allowed back to her property.

So I am now in limbo. She is too abusive and unpredictable to provide help to.

It has all gone quiet now. I don’t know whether to make contact again. Citizen advice has been very difficult to get an appointment with.