Repeated Ghosting WTF

[VickyPicky1]

NC for this in case the person is on MN

Met her at a hobby, got on well as we were in the same line of work. Hung out some, and then she went on holiday and stopped answering my messages altogether. Months later she texted me an apology, we met up, but I kept the friendship on a back burner and didn't invest too much in it. Made plans a few times which she cancelled at the last moment, I was understanding and polite, but kept investing less and less and so we gradually grew apart. Last contact was Jan 2020.

Late last year she texted me to meet up and I didn't reply for a few days, got an angry message about (why I am not in touch and no longer want to be friends) from her to which I responded with apologies. We started speaking more during lockdown as she seemed lonely (she is single and childless) and met up a few times for walks, calling and texting most days - all at her request. Suddenly she disappears, no response to my messages or calls. After a month I told her I need an explanation, and she gave excuses of travel and illness and was very apologetic. So I let it go. We were again in touch regularly for a few weeks and made tentative plans to meet. Were supposed to talk on the phone on an evening (to arrange to go on a walk she wanted to go on) and she didn't call. Didn't pick up my call and didn't reply to my messages. That was over a month ago. I messaged her again a few times. No response for over a month (and she is alive as per social media).

I am not for psychoanalyzing people but I am really puzzled by this. She claims she has a lot of friends but I find this behaviour so weird that I can hardly believe it. She is nice, charming, and good company of course, but I really struggle to understand what's going on. I find this "ghosting" (maybe the wrong term as it is used in dating) quite rude and annoying and yet I am sure she would resurface in a few months with a sob story and profuse apologies about how busy etc etc she had been.

Not sure what I am asking, but any insight into what's going on?

(for avoidance of doubt, I am female and straight so no romantic feelings from me)

Are you the fallback position for when she is between boyfriends.

Depends on what's happening in her life. She could be struggling to juggle her commitments. I say this as someone who's had a phase of cancelling plans, not returning calls or messages etc. My excuse was work as I was doing 70 hour weeks ehere I was on my feet all day and would often cancel at the last minute. Thing is, life creeps up on you and you don't realise you're not coping until its too late. When I look back at photos taken during said period, I look worn down and unhappy yet I wouldn't have thought I was at the time. Luckily my friends stuck around as they knew me before this period. Might be worth talking to her about it and trying to see what causes her to be fickle. I'm sure it's nothing to do with you as she seems to seek your company but just isn't in the right space to commit. Good luck.

I wouldn't care what the reason is, honestly. Delete and block. Life is too short for this nonsense.

I feel for you, sadly I fall victim of this too. Its horrible. I would move on from her, you deserve better.

I wouldn't care what the reason is, honestly. Delete and block. Life is too short for this nonsense

Agree
It might be my age (44) but I have no truck with any of this nonsense any more.

That sounds tiresome. I'd stop bothering.

Just get off the merry-go-round. She’s just not a reliable person to relate to at this level of friendship.

@Aquamarine1029

I wouldn't care what the reason is, honestly. Delete and block. Life is too short for this nonsense.

Agree

Thanks all. Yes I should probably block her. Was just trying to be understanding and supportive because of covid but starting to feel like a fallback option when she is bored and lonely.

I think it sounds like you are the backup between boyfriends. Don't stand for this. Delete and block you deserve and can do much better than someone like this!

Call her out on it!

This sounds a bit intense.

I wonder if your an intense friend and she uses that when she is lonely. I can go months and months with out speaking to my friends. I don't ask for apologies or expect one.

I had a friend like this. We reconnected after several years, only for her to ghost me again after a few months. I still miss her sometimes but it’s frankly her loss. I wouldn’t give her a third chance.

@steakandcheeseplease no I am far from intense. All the intensity comes from her and she can be quite nice and charming when she wants to be. As I said I have been a bit wary but all the calls and walks during lockdown had been initiated by her. Once (before covid) she invited me to her house for dinner and then canceled on the day as she wasn’t feeling well but was so apologetic! I was all very understanding and didn’t take offense. We are not young by the way, she is a grown ass woman in her 40s with a good career.

@OldEvilOwl I did call her out previously and she becomes so apologetic and full of excuses and for a while she is nice and attentive. Then goes cold again.

She's a twat who uses people on her own terms. She views others like tools in a toolshed - takes then out when she needs them, puts them back when she doesn't

Gets annoyed when the tools don't like the way they are treated, because, fecking hell, do they not understand they are tools!

Fuck her off

Block and move on ! You deserve better and I agree - sounds like some flaky ego boosting online dating expert who picks you up in between new conquests
There are far better women out there looking for a decent relationship/ friendship/ companion

Thanks all for your comments and perspectives. It’s funny if it was a guy I would have dumped him ages ago, but I have cut this one so much slack as I felt bad for her. But you are right she is using me.