Can anyone explain why she would do this?

[SunbeamsAndMoonbeams]

This happened about 3 years ago but I saw the woman concerned the other day and it reminded me of it. It doesn't bother me, I'm just flummoxed by it.

I formed a female friendship group a few years ago - all women I'd met at a local pub and the idea was that we'd socialise together, see bands, go out for dinner etc. Not close friendships (although a couple of them were already) just a social group really.

One of the women seemed to take an instant a very strong dislike to me. I don't expect everyone to like but her actions seemed disproportionate to anything I could have done to warrant them!

Firstly, I noticed that she would ignore me on an individual level within the group. Fine, not a problem.

Then, I noticed she would arrange things for dates when I'd already said I was busy. OK.

I had a boyfriend at the time and on one occasion she offered to buy us all tickets to a gig, including him, but we were one ticket short and it was me who had to go without as it wasn't made clear until the last minute.

She would also invite him along to our girls' nights out which irritated the other women. But then would ignore him when he was there.

It became clear to me after a while that she was trying to come in between he and I. I mentioned to it one of the other women who confirmed that that was exactly what she was trying to do and to just ignore her.

I stopped hanging out with them and my boyfriend cut contact with her too.

It sounds silly but she initially tried to lure him away but when that failed, as I predicted, she tried to put him off me and got in touch with him to tell him she had proof that I'd been cheating on him with married friend of ours.

There are reasons he was vulnerable to believing what she said that I don't want to go into now.

It all sounds very juvenile - I was in my early 40s at the time and she was in her 50s.

A couple of people at the time suggested she was jealous of me but I can't imagine why! She was married, very well off, good husband, big house, didn't work as she didn't need to, lots of male interest... she put a lot of effort into splitting my boyfriend and up and yet, as soon as she had succeeded, completely dumped him as a friend so it wasn't even that she wanted him!

Any thoughts?

Like I say, I'm not bothered by it just curious really!

There may not be a reason as such. There are people who do things that don't make sense, not necessarily as part of a thought out strategy but because, at some level, it feeds an emotional void in them.

It's not worth giving any of your mental space to, unless you find yourself doing the same kind of thing!

Ha God, no, would never do do same thing. Its just so far beyond anything I've experienced before or since.

She just seemed so invested in spoiling things for me 🤷🏻‍♀️

People can be so weird.

I would think that things aren't all as rosy as they seem in her own life.
Or, perhaps she is damaged in some way by childhood issues?
Yep, people are indeed weird.

I think you've probably already answered your own question within the OP.

Some people are sadly consumed by their own selfish wants and justify the worst of their behaviour so they can do what they choose to. Sometimes they have had traumatic things happen to them to skew their thinking. Some people are just unpleasant to others. Ultimately you'll never really know what's going on in her head.

I think she was maybe a bit bored... she was very active in the local community, organised big events etc. She didn't work in paid employment but was very much socially amd in volunteering. Her social life was undoubtedly better than mine and she had any more friends and acquaintances than I did. But her husband works away a lot.

I suppose I'd have thought that, if you were going to try and bring someone down, you'd aim higher or at least assume there'd be some benefit to the person doing it.

Narcissist (npd) women and similarly disordered often do this. They make one women their competition and part of that is destroying their relationships/stealing away their man. They aren't interested in the guy usually, it's just a tactic to hurt you. And to boost their ego.

Chances are she was jealous of your youth or attractiveness or happy relationship so she wanted to destroy it because she knew she couldn't take it for herself.

Unfortunately there are a lot of these scary people about.

Yeah, that sounds very much like what she was doing! Very strange.

She's attractive and had much more male attention than me. Could have been the youth thing. Who knows!