How to move on to “acceptance” in the cycle of loss....

[Hunternot]

How to I move to the acceptance stage in the whole cycle of loss ?
My exdh cheated on me and then spent over a year “trying again” whilst I now believe he was still seeing the ow. He’s now fully with the ow (who I don’t think knows about me and him the last year) and has gone from 0-100 with her and our DCs.
How am I meant to move on when I still have to see him, my children now talk about her and her DCs and my children also let slip little things that make it even more apparent that they was together whilst me and he was.
I’m really struggling to wrap my head around how appallingly he has treat me, how he could keep up so many lies and also how he is now living his best life have 70% of his time child free, able to do what the hell he likes whilst I’m spending 70% of my time with very clingy children and the other 30% of my time catching up on sleep because I’m absolutely exhausted!

It is really hard to get over the betrayal, deceit and lies. Being rejected for another woman is not nice. Sounds like you are going through the grieving process.
I have no advise as to how to accept this as I am in a similar situation - 3 months on it is still raw and painful.
Were you living together last year ? How come the OW does not know about you?

Stop trying to work out 'why' he did it and accept that he did. He isn't living his best life with her and neither is she getting the best of him. It might appear like that because that it what he's showing her. It sounds like he's a cheater and a shitstain of a human being. How he treated you is not a reflection of who you are, it's who he is as a person and he won't be able to keep that up for for long with new gf. Try not to make her the enemy, if that's possible. She hasn't 'won' and he certainly isn't the prize.

Focus on yourself and moving on from him. Make you your new priority. Acceptance will come with time and unfortunately you can't rush yourself through to the end, but it will come eventually and you'll look back one day and be glad that he left. Try and minimise all contact with him. Block him on social media and keep any contact to the absolute bare minimum to do with your children. You will get there, but you have to give it time and don't be too hard on yourself either. Unfortunately you will need to process your emotions, which will include grieving the relationship, but it's better to do this now rather than pushing the emotions away in a bid to be over it quicker, but the sooner you do that, the sooner you'll be free of them.

God, I hate to say it, but grief doesn't follow the pattern it is meant to - there's no transition from one stage to another, never to return. You just messily go back and forth until one day - yes - you realise you have accepted it and you are done.

One thing to hold onto is that you thought he was a decent person with a moral compass, and empathy and respect for other humans. He wasn't. That says as much about you as being eaten by a crocodile says about a rabbit

You are grieving the loss of the person you thought he was, the relationship you thought you had. Acceptance at this point is the recognition that he was masquerading as a decent man when he wasn't.

I really hope no-one will think I'm a bot or spammer, but for the second time this evening, I cannot do better than recommend Chumplady.com - so much help for you there.

As PP said, grieving is not a linear thing. It’s a spiral. It will take time and you can’t make it go away on a predefined schedule.

My tips are
Self care
Volunteering (even if online) with people less fortunate. It will show you life isn’t fair to anyone and helping others lesses your own pain
Counseling/therapy

Ultimately you have to accept that it will take its own time

@tinysundancer no we didn’t live together, he rented a room in a shared house but spent a lot of time at mine. Just little snippets here and there makes me believe she was in the dark as much as I was

@kurtney it’s hard to not think he’s not living his best life. He gets to spend most of his time child free, spending money and time on himself whilst I’m over here struggling. It just seems really really unfair.

@ChristmasFluff “ You are grieving the loss of the person you thought he was, the relationship you thought you had. Acceptance at this point is the recognition that he was masquerading as a decent man when he wasn't”
I think this really sums up how I am feeling, it’s like rationally I know the truth but my mind is resisting it

@VickyPicky1 was kinda hoping that wasn’t the case, the time thing. I feel like I’m starting to feel good then I get informed of more of the lies he kept and it throws me right back to the start