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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Moved in with the Girlfriend and she's changed

36 replies

shou · 03/06/2021 22:44

Dear members of the forum,
I've been reading the forum for some time but not posted for a while and I've also lost my login details.
I need some help especially from a female perspective.

I've recently moved in with my girlfriend and bought a house together after being together for over 3 years. We purchased it in agreement that I'd own 15% of the house based on the deposit but we'd share the bills, etc...

But within 2 weeks of moving in she says she now wants to buy my share and wants to own the house fully. Interestingly I thought we were ok relationship why and we didn't need to. But she persisted that if I don't do it her parents would see that I am poor and would not approve. They already do not approve because they think I am black, but I just am from africa but not black...I'm just indian descendant.
...anyway now she said that.
slowly after moving she criticised the way i clean is not thorough and good enough. Even though i spent 1hr30 to scrub off the calc in the bath tub, apparently it was not good enough. I've had loads of mini comments like so throughout living together. I brushed it off but it is getting a bit too much recently where even the dishes are not done properly or I'm not helping, even after we agreed what I should be cleaning. She couldn't wait more than 10min for me to brush my teeth on Sunday and she already started cleaning my part of the the chores.
She keeps having a go that I only cleaned the house once since we moved in.

But I don't only clean, as I finish working early I cooked dinner from Monday to Saturday while she finishes work. She then watches her ipad and then eats dinner, and I do the dishes regardless of who cooks because I apparently don't know how to clean the house.

But what hit it in the nail for me is that she does not let me buy and put my own desk. She told me that she doesn't like me using the dinning table as a work station and I should just go to work.
all the furniture in the house is mine, and she claimed my old desk and chair.
I bought a shredder for my work and document, and she had a fit as to why I bought this and I didn't need it, and there is no space for it.
I tried to buy a bookshelf, gardening box, etc... and I ended up being told off.

Yesterday she ask me I should pay an extra £100/month as she is going to increase the mortgage to 2200. I told her I don't see why I should do that if I'm not going to own the flat, unless you're going to pay me more than the 15% I invested. She said I should be glad that it is £1000 as a smaller flat where we live is around £1200/month. I was shocked at this. Even though the mortgage is jointly owned, and legally I still own the property I was already being messed about and being treated as a tenant.

What can I do?
I don't want to be in a relationship or live in a house where I can only use half of my own bed, my own couch and part of wardrobe. She has taken over practically all the space in the flat with her things and the way she wants it to be.
Are there anything legal I can do to protect myself?
Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
HeronLanyon · 06/06/2021 17:11

haffiana I bloody hope it does !

BlueButtercups · 06/06/2021 17:24

@Haffiana

That says more about you than the OP.

it really does, doesn't it 🌸

youvegottenminuteslynn · 06/06/2021 17:27

@HeronLanyon

I might be wrong but I took the original comment to mean that OP's partners parents are such racists that they don't approve on account of OP not being white, so haven't even been arsed to find out any more about them to the extent they've even got their race wrong. I think it was a comment on the parents' racism and lack of any effort rather than OP implying their own value judgement of any particular minority.

HeronLanyon · 06/06/2021 17:34

Agreed everyone - it was a complex statement and I may have read it incorrectly. It was mostly the word ‘just’ which made me think it wasn’t wholly about the parents. Apols op if I f’ed up there.

Jada1234 · 07/06/2021 07:57

I really dont like that comment I'm not black I'm JUST Indian. To me op doesn't like black people himself. Racism is Racism.

Ghostontoast1 · 07/06/2021 10:43

So she needed your 15% contribution (was this the deposit?) to buy the house, but now she wants to “own all of it”?

Was it her idea to buy the house as well, her choice of house, and did she choose the furniture even though you’ve paid for it?

Good that you are seeking legal help. I think you’ve been used to get her on the property ladder. Make sure you keep a copy of any agreements and receipts for stuff you’ve bought in a safe place in case they “get lost”.

I hope you can get all you’ve contributed back. This may mean the house has to be sold.

shou · 17/06/2021 19:25

@funnylittlefloozie

Is she Indian by any chance?
no she is Chinese, I am from an indian decent
OP posts:
VettiyaIruken · 17/06/2021 19:27

Get any money back you're owed and walk away.
Good luck.

shou · 17/06/2021 19:41

[quote youvegottenminuteslynn]@HeronLanyon

I might be wrong but I took the original comment to mean that OP's partners parents are such racists that they don't approve on account of OP not being white, so haven't even been arsed to find out any more about them to the extent they've even got their race wrong. I think it was a comment on the parents' racism and lack of any effort rather than OP implying their own value judgement of any particular minority. [/quote]
The parents do not want to get to know me, I tried to speak to the dad and he seems ok.
I've asked the GF if I could speak to the mum but it seems its a no go as I would aggrevate the situation. But it is all one sided. I spoke to another friend and she had a Greek BF and she translated where she could to help the situation so that her parents know its a serious relationship.
I'm not getting that support from it

OP posts:
shou · 17/06/2021 19:42

@VettiyaIruken

Get any money back you're owed and walk away. Good luck.
I'm working on that at the moment, she owes me another couple of £1000s for other things too she didn't bother paying until she could see the receipt of her ticket. My family spent £6k on a holiday and I said she can pay £1k and a bit to split it out between us 5 but she doesn't want to do it until she sees a proper breakdown.
OP posts:
shou · 17/06/2021 19:43

@Jada1234

I really dont like that comment I'm not black I'm JUST Indian. To me op doesn't like black people himself. Racism is Racism.
They thought I was black, and I was not, irregardless I am being judged by my skin colour. This is common, this has happened maybe 3-4 times in relationships.
OP posts:
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