Suspicious OH. Advice needed.

[dilemma111]

Hi everyone,
I’d really appreciate your thoughts on my current situation. I suspect my OH may be exchanging photos/videos with someone. I’ve found screen shots of photos taken and short video clips in his phone deleted folders and have found web history that suggests he’s using adult chat and cam sites as well as porn sites (I’m acceptant of the porn sites but am unclear if the chat/cam sites are pop ups) . I have his phone code but he’s clearing his history regularly and is always on his phone, he takes it everywhere with him even the bathroom but I have managed to get access at times. I’ve considered all kinds of scenarios and approaches and feel I need something more concrete before I can challenge him. Do I keep monitoring and gather further proof which in turn will fuel my current paranoia... I guess I’m reaching out to ask what your thoughts are and what you would do in this situation. Thanks

He could be being cagey with his phone and clearing the history to hide the fact he's been watching porn? In which case if you're ok with that there's nothing to worry about.

However if he was exchanging videos and pics would that be crossing a line for you?

Genuine question as I know everyone seems to have different boundaries. Some would be uncomfortable with normal porn whereas others might be ok with it and see the swapping of videos and pics as an extension of that if it's on an adult chat site?

Thanks for the reply. I just needed to sense check. He’s always been open about watching porn and knows I don’t have an issue with it.

I wouldn’t be ok with exchanging pics or cam type scenarios and he knows this especially if it’s hidden from me.

Do you trust him? If you do then you don’t need to check his phone like this

I guess not. Following my gut instinct, something just doesn’t feel right.

If you don’t trust him then you don’t need to build up a lot of evidence, you just need to end the relationship

Are they photos and videos of him? If so that is super dodgy. If they are of porn stars I guess less so but still gross. I feel your pain though. Yucky men.

My DH was taking his phone everywhere with him including the toilet and when he took a bath. He would also cover it over when charging it so I wouldnt see it. Soent hours in the garage 'tidying it up'.

He slipped up left his phone at home when he nipped to the shop....and voila there it was emails, text photos to OW he has met on a night out

I'm not a fan of the ''you need to collect evidence'' kind of action in these scenarios.

I'd be going for the direct approach, and observing his reaction tbh.

I'd wait until we were settled for the evening (so no running out of the room with his phone 'because he was running late'' etc)

''You seem to be preoccupied with hiding your phone from me. What is it that you're trying to hide ?''

My actions would then be guided by his reaction to those questions.

If he was 'squirmy', red faced or super 'angry' because I was 'accusing' him, then it'd be over for me.

If he was slightly embarrassed, but happy to show me his phone there and then, then I'd assume it was 'innocent', but a bit embarrassing for him to have been 'caught' watching porn.

@kiddo5467 Genuine question as I know everyone seems to have different boundaries. Some would be uncomfortable with normal porn

This would be a dealbreaker for me, never mind sharing clips and video. Would not tolerate it at all.

[quote Sandra15]**@kiddo5467* Genuine question as I know everyone seems to have different boundaries. Some would be uncomfortable with normal porn*

This would be a dealbreaker for me, never mind sharing clips and video. Would not tolerate it at all.[/quote]
Porn is a dealbreaker for me

How are you @dilemma111