Unequal partnership

[1BushyTail1]

I work full time, partner is stay at home parent for the children on weekends and holidays he doesn't claim benefits or work. I'm struggling to make ends meet with one sole wage for a family of 4. He knows this he will look for jobs for a week then give up. I'm also frustrated at the state of the house when I've finished work most days he won't lift a finger, 2 random days of the week he will wash up and wash the clothes but that's as far as he gets. I'm fed up and drained he claims he will do more but everything goes to the same old crap after a few weeks. I've attempted to split up with him numerous times but he guilt trips me as he has absolutely nothing no friends or family let alone not a single penny to his name. But I cannot live like this our debts have built over the covid pandemic and I cannot pay it off as quickly as them racking up. I have no idea what to do. Honestly I stay with him out of guilt, he knows i want out but he overshadows me by saying I will make yih happy again, things will change and get better, or just give it time to get a job. He thinks I am being unreasonable when I ask him to leave, he doesn't want a broken family children can't live like that for the sake of a rough patch. I just don't know anymore

I've asked my family, I've even asked them to put me and the kids up for a while til I can save enough to get a new place there just isn't enough room for 3 of us

My mom has offered us support for childcare if we was both working sorry I thought I mentioned that earlier.

It's not a lot of time between 9am-1pm and then I presume your 3 year old needs lunch and entertaining until it's time to collect your older one. Then you're home at 4pm. That's not a huge number of hours to do all the housework and/or work. If he got a job, how would you cover the nursery pick-ups? Can you afford more hours?

It's worthwhile agreeing what each person will do for housework but again he can't do it all in 3.5 hours per morning. It's going to be a joint effort.

Honestly it sounds like you're just done and want out. That's fine of course but just own it and make arrangements to split. This can't be healthy to both be so unhappy but be prepared to start paying for childcare if that happens or indeed pay for him as the resident parent to be a SAHD.

Re your comments in quotemarks:-
If I come home ranting and raving about the mess he gets angry too and then he says things he doesn't mean".

I would think he actually means every word and goes on the defensive; he is too damn lazy to do anything and likely regards the house and childcare as "your" job because he wants to remain the Big Man here. Sound travels and its likely your kids hear everything too.

"I've sucked it up to avoid that"

That was a mistake; it showed him that all he has to do is kick off a bit and you end up doing the chores anyway. A win win for him. Don't do that any longer.

How can you be helped into getting rid of this individual?.

My mom has offered us childcare help only if we are both working. As far as cleaning goes it's just to vacuum and mop floors scrub the toilet put clothes away I don't want a spotless house even an hour spent cleaning is more than what he does

I will look more into the council thing

Everytime someone offers a suggestion you come back with a reason why it can't be done.

Whose name is the house in (think I can guess what you're gonna say here)

I agree with @ThisIsStartingToBoreMe. You are making excuses rather than looking for solutions. You need to tell him to leave.

Sorry i know it seems like that. My credit rating is too low for a credit card I can't do anything about covering a deposit. Its hard to save with the debt and looking after us all. But I'll have to work towards it or co tact the council

Because I have told him to leave numerous times i can't physically get him out the house. I can't call the police to get him removed he hasn't done anything to cause physical harm

@1BushyTail1 do you want out? If you do you need to get him to leave. If he won't voluntarily then you need to contact the police. It sound extreme, but you do what you need to do.

It doesn't matter about physical harm. If you want him to leave and he won't then the police will help you.

It doesn't matter about physical harm. If you want him to leave and he won't then the police will help you.

Not if it's his house they wont!

The house is in my name I will speak to 111 and see what they say. I've just always presumed they won't do anything unless physical harm or disturbances have been caused

I don't mean to be cheeky but more fool you. Honest to God stop being one of they woman who puts up with all this shit. If your daughter came to you in this situation what would you tell her to do? Get him to fuck.

I meant 101

Brilliant that the house is in your name. Tell him the relationship is over and that you want him to leave and will allow him 10 days to find somewhere else or arrange to stay with his family. Put it in a text afterwards when you've told him.

In 10 days time if he's still there call the police to have him removed. I can't believe you thought he could stay in your house if you didn't want him there but i guess he has got inside your head over the years.

Let us know how it goes. Good luck

I know it's more fool me. I could kick myself. I'm riddled with guilt, yet putting up with shit I know all of this. I thought taking to other people is better than feeling like shit everyday but I know it's my own fault

OP,
Are you married?

I would go back and beg your mother for help.

Your life will never get better carrying a workshy, lazy partner.

He is a waster who cares only for himself.

He will suck you dry.

Can you get on to the Council and see if they can help.

Do you have a local credit union? I know my local one can help with loans for rental deposits at low interest rates.

When the tenancy ends, put in a month's notice. This man will never change. He'll be put on UC.

What's he bringing to this relationship?
Could you go on another 5 years like this?

There is no way I would respect, love, even have sex with my partner if I was working full time, paying all Bill's while he wasnt looking for work and I came home to a shit hole.

Hes taking the piss out of you and don't let him make you feel guilty. He has promised to find a job and he has promised to help more with house work but hasn't. Make sure you let him know that he is the one responsible for the break up of the family by being a bone idle free loader.

Tell your boyfriend to get out of your house. If he even raises his voice, call the police. Ta da.

@1BushyTail1

I receive the CB. He doesn't want us to claim anything g as they would force him on JSA or UC

well isn't he just delightful.