Protection order

[Leanne1191]

Hi everyone,

So I have a non molestation order against my ex partner and haven't had any contact with him since February. We are going to court on Monday and there has been a report from cafcass sent to me. He is fighting against the non molestation order and is trying to get a protective order.

Now I don't know what this means? He's breached the non molestation order already and it has been reported to the police. He decided to write me a letter and he wasn't allowed to contact me at all!

Now he's trying to turn things around on me. He has used my mental health in his statement to cafcass, he's saying he rings the school to check the welfare of the kids and has said the kids get upset when he drops them to my mums after he has had them for the weekend?

What am I meant to do?

I do not have experience with this exact situation, but similar. My ex applied for a whole host of Prohibited Steps Orders which were dismissed by the judge.
Do you have a solicitor?
I'm currently going through court with my ex and he has invented a narrative in which I'm the abuser and he and the children are victims. I think this kind of behaviour is fairly common.
IDAS have been very helpful.
Writing a detailed narrative of our entire relationship, from meeting to separation all the way to today has been incredibly helpful. Not opinions or feelings, just facts. I went through all my messages, old phones, paperwork etc. It was over a decade but having all the facts and evidence together means that some of his accusations can be disproven immediately with evidence to back it up.
Try and keep everything as factual as possible, not emotional.
I hope someone comes along with more helpful advice for you soon.

Yeah my ex husband did the same. I had proof of abuse, towards me, and his now ex police records etc etc. He was also abusive to our children and very niglectful. He tried to re write it all saying I was abusing him and the children. This was in spite of all the evidence.
This is very standard for abusers. It was all looked into and the only abusive found was from him. Don't fear, in his mind he needs to push back against your claims. Take a deep breath.
Children routinely get upset and find it hard to swop between parents, your mum can clarify how they are.

@Bentoforthehorde

I do not have experience with this exact situation, but similar. My ex applied for a whole host of Prohibited Steps Orders which were dismissed by the judge. Do you have a solicitor? I'm currently going through court with my ex and he has invented a narrative in which I'm the abuser and he and the children are victims. I think this kind of behaviour is fairly common. IDAS have been very helpful. Writing a detailed narrative of our entire relationship, from meeting to separation all the way to today has been incredibly helpful. Not opinions or feelings, just facts. I went through all my messages, old phones, paperwork etc. It was over a decade but having all the facts and evidence together means that some of his accusations can be disproven immediately with evidence to back it up. Try and keep everything as factual as possible, not emotional. I hope someone comes along with more helpful advice for you soon.

Everything is so messy he didn't need to take me to court in the first place! He lied snd said I stopped him seeing the kids for 9 weeks! I've never done that!

I put in a molestation order because he was turning up at my house and asking the kids questions about where I am and trying to find my car. He got aggressive and verbally abusive towards my mum too for no reason when she has been the middle person for months and the only reason he sees them still.

When together I suffered emotional and mental abuse, off course he denies all this because he don't think he has done anything wrong.

Now he's subject to a protection order and I'm like how the fuck has he got that?

He's a typical narcissist and he just wants to control everything all the time.

I've posted a lot of threads on here from last year when we split because he decided to fuck someone else behind my back after 6 months of marriage and now 9 months on after lies and calling me a psycho and bipolar and making me feel like I was going mad he still continues to give me shit. I'm having to fight with Csa too because he hasn't paid me a penny since last October! He's changed his name, he's saying he lives at certain address when he don't and has lied about that and his income. The bloke has put me through so much shit. All I want is for my divorce to go through, hun to see his kids and for him to pay for them but the prick still wants to just continue to put me through crap and punish me when I've done nothing wrong and never have!!!!!!!

@Leanne1191 It is clear what he is trying to do.
The children are upset because they are not dropped home... meaning he wants to come to your home.

Reasons this is a bad idea for court: you both have a negative relationship which could cause tense in front of the dc's. Your safety is important, and the fact he is unable to work with this situation of dropping the dc at your mums shows he is still unable to respect your boundaries.
If you had to work, after his contact or attend an appointment the dc's would have to be dropped off at your mums or a childminder, they would have to deal with that because it's part of life. The fact they don't like it ( I don't believe they don't) isn't a issue.

Regularly contacting the school is unnecessary especially in these times when school are under a look of pressure with Covid etc. Regular checks clearly shows he doesn't trust your parenting... why not? Has he said you were a danger in the past? Contacted SS in the past, no? Fought you for 50/50, He is trying to control you which is very clear.

He had his chance to appeal the Non mol, it was granted for a reason.
I would do your best to trust in the process you are following and ignore his attention seeking behaviour.

My ex had the police officer calling me & SS asking for my ex's bail conditions to be dropped so he was able to come to my mothers home to collect our son. My mother lives a few roads away, which meant he would be able to come to mine too.
SS said there was no reason for contact to be in my home town, that he should actually have contact at the centre because of his behaviour, and that they do not agree that bail should be changed.
SS had to actually write back to the officer again to say no, when the officer In charged stated the SS worker said bail conditions should be dropped for contact.
If you are calm & put your children first they do see who is acting badly.

SS knew what was happening & that this police officer was being extra helpful to my ex because he was a police officer too.

[quote happytohavefoundyou]@Leanne1191 It is clear what he is trying to do.
The children are upset because they are not dropped home... meaning he wants to come to your home.

Reasons this is a bad idea for court: you both have a negative relationship which could cause tense in front of the dc's. Your safety is important, and the fact he is unable to work with this situation of dropping the dc at your mums shows he is still unable to respect your boundaries.
If you had to work, after his contact or attend an appointment the dc's would have to be dropped off at your mums or a childminder, they would have to deal with that because it's part of life. The fact they don't like it ( I don't believe they don't) isn't a issue.

Regularly contacting the school is unnecessary especially in these times when school are under a look of pressure with Covid etc. Regular checks clearly shows he doesn't trust your parenting... why not? Has he said you were a danger in the past? Contacted SS in the past, no? Fought you for 50/50, He is trying to control you which is very clear.

He had his chance to appeal the Non mol, it was granted for a reason.
I would do your best to trust in the process you are following and ignore his attention seeking behaviour.

My ex had the police officer calling me & SS asking for my ex's bail conditions to be dropped so he was able to come to my mothers home to collect our son. My mother lives a few roads away, which meant he would be able to come to mine too.
SS said there was no reason for contact to be in my home town, that he should actually have contact at the centre because of his behaviour, and that they do not agree that bail should be changed.
SS had to actually write back to the officer again to say no, when the officer In charged stated the SS worker said bail conditions should be dropped for contact.
If you are calm & put your children first they do see who is acting badly.

SS knew what was happening & that this police officer was being extra helpful to my ex because he was a police officer too.

[/quote]
He has nothing against me I think that's what he is worried about I've said about this abuse and now he's trying everything he can to make me look bad and like I'm the one being an ass.

He's always seen his children I've only ever stopped it once because his brother who I assumed at the time he lived with had covid and he was taking our children back there.

He's not going for 50/50 custody no, the cafcass officer has told me this already, he has also said he knows there's no harm and that the kids are in immediate danger with me so I don't get what he is trying to do here?

He is contesting the non molestation order and doesn't agree with it, he is now subject to a protection order, because of the non molestation order and me saying how he was emotionally and mentally abusive.

Him ringing the school is new to me I found that out today, I don't know why he's doing that either all this is new and I feel he is desperate for something on me. He's already broke the non molestation order because he put a letter to me in our youngest boys pocket. So I've reported that to the police because he's not meant to contact me on any way!

It's just all so draining. Within regards to my mental health I knew I was dipping low and got as much help as I could, I've had therapy, counselling and medication change. I even had family solutions involved too so they can help me support the kids when I was going through my marriage break down. I reached out to loads of people for help and got the help because of my children. I don't know why he's using that against me when I'm in such a better place and have been for months.

I've personally not had any form of contact with him since the 15th of February I even changed my number too because of not wanting to hear from him or speak to him.

Has he spoken to social services? They advised my ex to contact school (when he claimed he had concerns), which he did for the first time ever (the kids are 9 and 11). He called social services several times but they wouldn't get involved, so he then called them to report I was abusing the kids.

I know it's awful going through it and the fear that he'll be believed etc or what he's going to do next, but the police and courts have made so much progress with recognising abusive behaviour and there really is a typical pattern the abusers follow.
You getting help is a positive BTW. It shows you are able to recognise when you need help and seek appropriate support.
Try not to let him get in your head, report everything when it happens so that it's on record. If there's ever an incident, write a detailed account and email it to yourself.

Don't try and make sense of his behaviour, you won't be able to because they genuinely confuse their story with reality.
Might not feel like it, and I know it's bloody rough, but this is your road to freedom. He's fighting hard because he knows that.

What do you mean by protection order? I'm going through similar and never heard of one of those.

@Bentoforthehorde

Has he spoken to social services? They advised my ex to contact school (when he claimed he had concerns), which he did for the first time ever (the kids are 9 and 11). He called social services several times but they wouldn't get involved, so he then called them to report I was abusing the kids.

I know it's awful going through it and the fear that he'll be believed etc or what he's going to do next, but the police and courts have made so much progress with recognising abusive behaviour and there really is a typical pattern the abusers follow.
You getting help is a positive BTW. It shows you are able to recognise when you need help and seek appropriate support.
Try not to let him get in your head, report everything when it happens so that it's on record. If there's ever an incident, write a detailed account and email it to yourself.

Don't try and make sense of his behaviour, you won't be able to because they genuinely confuse their story with reality.
Might not feel like it, and I know it's bloody rough, but this is your road to freedom. He's fighting hard because he knows that.

Not that I know off? Social services haven't rang me or got involved and they never have been involved ever.

When the kids go back to school I'm going to ask them about it.

I know, but he choose his path, he left me and the kids for this woman. I'm moving on and am feeling a lot better too. I've come out a hell of a lot wiser and stronger because of what he has put me through. I think your right he don't like me having the freedom from him and him not being able to control me anymore.

@Pebbledashery

What do you mean by protection order? I'm going through similar and never heard of one of those.

I've looked it up and it's what the spouse/ex partner can get when domestic abuse has been mentioned.