I have a 2 month old baby, my first. DH works from home due to covid but his ability to help during the week is very limited. Even though he’s at home, I look after the baby entirely on my own all day and usually in the evenings too because he works late. I also do all night feeds because I’m EBF.
I don’t blame DH for that at all, because I knew it would be like that. We have the same job so I know exactly how busy it can be. However, it is still exhausting and Monday to Friday, when DH is busy or stressed with work, he barely does anything and it’s hard not to resent him. It doesn’t help that DS is a very demanding baby and won’t let you put him down for more than 5 minutes, and even then he has to be in the right mood! It’s only when DH sees me stressed or upset that it’s mid afternoon and I’m still in my pyjamas or desperate to use the loo that he will watch DS for 5 to 10 mins.
On weekends, DH is a bit more hands on but to an extent. I still do all night feeds but he takes DS in the mornings to give me a lie in (which is regularly interrupted as DS will want a feed - his feeds are short and often, so will sometimes want a feed every hour!). DH also struggles to calm DS down when he cries, and he cries often, so hands him to me to calm him down.
He constantly tells me to wake him up during night feeds so he can help, and he does mean it, but until I start pumping and he can do a feed himself, there’s no point in both of us being awake when it’s my breast DS needs.
So, to get support during the week, I go to my parents for a night or two, depending on how exhausted I am. My mum would come and help at the start but we live in a flat so space is limited, so I’ve started to head to my parents instead. It takes 1.5 hours to drive there so it’s not quick to get to, hence why day visits won’t work.
DH is supportive of us leaving him for a night or two because he’s conscious I do it all on my own and need the help, but the issue we have is DH gets moody and depressed when he’s on his own. He struggles with being stuck home alone, which he obviously is due to WFH. It means when we go back home, he’s in a bit of mood, not at me just generally.
So I genuinely don’t know what to do - if I stay at home all week, I am exhausted and I do start to resent DH that I do it all on my own. In fact, I’ve tried to encourage him to go back to the office because that way I am truly on my own rather than on my own but he’s right there and not doing a thing. But I am also so shattered as DS is a very needy baby (I had assumed he was a typical newborn but others with experience who have spent time with him have all commented on how needy he is and how unusual that is!). But if I go to my parents for my mum to help, which gives me a break, DH struggles with being alone and gets depressed and is in a mood when we go back. He fully supports the idea of my mum providing the support he can’t give, but also hates that we leave him alone.
So essentially, I stay at home and I resent him, or we go to my parents and he gets moody and it’s hard for him to snap out of it! I don’t know what to do.