Crippling crush on female colleague. LGBT.

[JadedStrumpet]

For background. I'm early forties with two very young DC. DH upped and left us 18 months ago, no contact with DC. Things have been very tough and aren't really getting that much better tbh.

I've always known I'm attracted to women. I've had experiences with women in the past but not since I got with ex DH obviously.

A new woman started at my work place a month ago and from the second I met her I was just absolutely blown away! We don't work many shifts together so I've only met her in person four times. She's very open about being bi and preferring women to men. We've been messaging quite a bit and sometimes I get a vibe she might like me back. However we were supposed to go out this weekend and she's had to postpone. I'm gutted as I was really looking forward to it (understatement)

She's a naturally flirty person so it's literally impossible to tell whether she likes me or just wants to be friends. I cannot stop thinking about her. I feel excited and depressed about it all in equal measure. Help!!!

It sounds promising ! Don't know what you need help in: sounds normal abs healthy (to me)

Why did she have to postpone? Have you booked the new date in?

I don’t know how to help but I think the only way to gauge the situation is to spend time with out of work on a ‘date’ and see what it’s like. You will soon know if it’s reciprocated or you could ask? That would solve the problem! 😂

Well, postpone isn't cancel. Did she arrange another night or was it left vague?

Did you feel like the reason for postponement was valid or an excuse?

@accentdusoleil She has to work now so can't make it. Then she's away the weekend after. We haven't booked a new date yet. She's lovely but she also seems quite a scatty person. I think I'm just worried it shows an uneven level of interest. I'd drive 300 miles just to stare at her face for an hour

@Poorlykitten I don't know if I'd have the nerve to let her know how I feel. Even when she talks about her sexuality I struggle to discuss mine in return. She was having a bit of a flirt with a lesbian colleague at work last week and I was nearly ill with jealousy. I've got it so bad but she has zero clue!

@category12 I think it was valid but possibly she could have still come after if she was that keen to see me IYSWIM?

She suggests lots of things we should do over the summer though. It's definitely not just me. I'm just worried I'm not attracted to the all talk no action woman version of the guys I always go for.

Plus I just never expect anything to work out for me after what DH did

I would tell her how you feel. I've often found that expressing your feelings to women is easier than men, don’t know why. It's difficult to gauge with women whether we are seen as romantic interests or just good friends, so I think sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and make your feelings clear.

I'm not sure if I would tell her just yet as you'll have to still work with her if it doesn't go how you want it to. If she thinks you're straight there's a chance she hasn't thought of you in that way, so I would tell her you have attraction to women and flirt more to give her the idea.

@DoTheNextRightThing I think I'd need several cocktails first. I'd be mortified if she doesn't like me too!

@cookiecreampie It's really hard to tell. She's told me she thinks I'm beautiful. She's described her physical type (which I match) She's mentioned really needing a cuddle on several occasions. Sometimes I think she fancies me but then other times I think she just sees me as a friend. It's so confusing!

It's so much easier to tell when it's a man🙈

Honestly, OP, this all sounds a bit mad, if she’s brand new in your workplace, telling you you’re beautiful, wanting a cuddle, flirting with both you and your lesbian colleague, already messaging a lot, and were supposed to be going out — AND you’ve only met her four times?

She fancies the pants off you.

It sounds very hopeful op 😀

@PigGondola She's a really outgoing flirty person so I just assumed it's her personality?

I would tell a colleague they were beautiful. I think it's nice to give people compliments.

@LunaNorth God I hope so. I just feel if she really did she'd be gagging to meet up again.

Urgh. I hate feeling like this. I feel about 16 again!

[quote JadedStrumpet]@PigGondola She's a really outgoing flirty person so I just assumed it's her personality?

I would tell a colleague they were beautiful. I think it's nice to give people compliments.[/quote]
I hope it works out as you want, OP, but I’m just trying to imagine myself getting this carried away by a very new, very full-on colleague who was also a bit flaky, who was flirting with at least two people, told me I was beautiful, asked me out when I’d only met them four times and then cancelled and hasn’t rescheduled. She sounds like a bit of a player..?

Just don’t put all your emotional eggs in one basket, as you’ll still have to work with her if she ditches you for the other colleague she’s flirting with, or you discover her intentions towards you are friend-only.

That's fair enough @PigGondola. It probably will come to nothing tbh. I'm not lucky enough for a happy ending!

I'm very lonely at well which doesn't help. Life as a lone parents is just so hard and isolating. I've got a few guys who are interested in me but I just feel like I'd be passing time with them. It's all pretty depressing