Why would he come back but colder

[Lilybobxtail]

I'm so confused and I think it's probably time for me to just emotionally let go. But it's hard. Someone I got really close to has come back into my life. Our bond before was really loving. Positive. Caring. I had a big smile on my face all the time. Lockdown interfered massively with meeting but we did our best and we were happy and made quite a few plans for this summer. He's a big communicater so we naturally kept in touch throughout the day.

He's one of those men who likes ladies. He's not one to sleep with them. He's abit of a picture liker on Facebook and will message ladies abit. His last relationship was really long term and from what I gather she left him due to this situation too. They still talk quite alot but it's been 3 years so they don't have any desire to be together like before but it's clear he is still abit stuck there.

Anyway I didn't like the fact he had added a particular woman to his Facebook and I caught him eyeing her profile up twice. I was not mad. Just wanted a conversation about how serious he was. He ended up walking away for 2 months.

He came back and it's been very hot and cold communication. So we've not met up again yet. I feel if we meet I want to feel excited and like it's going to be lovely. But so far I feel he's not trying to woo me at all. It's like he's refusing to give me any of the lovely things from before. He has told me he loves me still but he no longer says it on the phone like before. He never sends me the nice thoughtful messages like before. He used to say how happy I made him feel all the time. But all that's stopped.

He called me yesterday and said he's not feeling himself at the moment. He told me his jobs getting him down etc. I asked to speak about us during this call. I said I would like us to meet up next week but felt that we were Not getting into things like before. Without any of the nice messages and calls it feels like why are we meeting?
I lent him £30 last night as he needed some shopping before Payday friday. I offered he didn't ask. He was really greatful and I know he will pay me back. He has text me this morning and put good morning. He used to call me beautiful every morning. I also updated my profile picture yesterday for the first time in months. He always liked them. He has choosen not to like it despite being on Facebook all night.

I know this sounds silly. But if he can't give me the feelings from before there's no reason to meet for a date again is there? It just feels he can't be that bothered? Yet he came back?

Walk away, he is really just not that into you. You deserve better. Forget the £30 and walk away today, he should be making you feel special and loved at this stage, not wondering why he is or isn’t saying or doing something.

He's one of those men who likes ladies. He's not one to sleep with them. He's abit of a picture liker on Facebook and will message ladies abit.

Translation = A creep who sits in his bedroom pestering women online while wanking into an old sock.

Sorry but he sounds absolutely awful. Why waste your time on this?

Sounds like a bit of lovebombing in the beginning to now making you question everything and desperate for whatever snippet of attention he'll throw you.

Block, delete, move on.

The whole thing sounds bloody odd. I'm not sure what is going on, but I'd hazard a guess that he is keeping an eye out for better options while you try to persuade him to be with you. Do not do that to yourself.

None of this sounds silly. It sounds as though he’s just not that into you!

It’s really important when dating to look at actions over your feelings. His actions are shouting loud and clear that he is not the man for you!

Also... absolutely no to getting involved with a man who sleazes other women on social media, his need for ego kibbles is worrying.

And he then punished you and continues to punish you for raising it.

Let this guy go. And then really put some work into raising your self esteem so you don’t become a victim to losers like this again!

He's a creep who perves other women on SM.

Throw him back. He sounds like an utter waste of time and headspace.

You need to redefine what you consider to be “loving”.

Yep let go! Best thing I done!

Move on

Release him to be a creep and a drain on someone else. If his ex left him for perving over women on social media, what makes you think he'll be different now?

I don’t see the point in meeting him or keeping in contact any more.

Do yourself a favour and get rid of him!
Not worth your time.
Unfortunately you may have feelings for him but you can't and won't change him.
It's him not you.
You deserve better.

This relationship is dead.
Walk away.

Please don’t get muddled by the fact he is still in touch.

Isn’t there a book called, “He’s Just Not that In to You”?

Read back what you’ve written. The clues are all there. Then block, delete, move on.

Ughh creep alert. Is this the best choice you could make? Probably not. Move on.

You must be bloody desperate. He hasn’t “come back”, he has never been present in the Ist place.

Don’t give him any more money. He is using you.

He doesn't need to woo you, he knows you've come back to him despite all his failings, so you are a dead cart while he still leers at other women on SM. He sounds absolutely awful. I don't think it's worth giving this a second shot.

He doesn’t need to woo you now he has you dangling from the line.

He is a waste of fucking time

You can do better than this

So you never actually meet up?

He sounds boring. Ask

There is nothing remotely good about this guy.

He's an online creeper. He contacts you when he's lonely, bored, broke or horny. This is who he truly is.

The tiny bit of nice in the beginning that got your hooked is an act.

Delete and block.

If you walk away you will be giving yourself dignity, agency and self-worth.

He, on the other hand, has nothing to give you.

You don’t want to be one of ‘his ladies’. Do not look back.

This is the book I mentioned before.
I hope you are ok. It will be sad for you to come to terms with this.

Look how tentative your language about him is. I assumed from the start of your post he was an old friend you were fond of who’d drifted away and reappeared in your life after a long time, but in fact this was a recent sexual relationship? But you don’t use the word ‘boyfriend’ about him — or say whether you broke up? or was he just someone you were casually dating? Which would then be weird if you were suddenly getting possessive about him looking at other women’s photos online? And then you say he’s still bound up with an ex..?

He sounds like bad news.

Even if this guy was still loving to you (sounds like a love bomber) would you be happy that he likes other women's pics and chats to them? Are the chats sexual and flirting? You would never be able to relax as you would be looking out for him cheating all the time. Deflate his ego by letting him go, he will end up hurting you.

You’ve been devalued. Nowhere to go but down from there... Don’t do that to yourself.