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Relationships

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Original poster

He’s still texting his ex

48 replies

Bloodymen201 · 02/06/2021 22:59

So me and my boyfriend have been together since October last year. We hit it off straight away, fell head over heels. He told me he had never felt this way before... I am so in love. I thought he was too.

Anyway he thought I was asleep cuddling him, and I can see he checked his exes WhatsApp picture, noticed it’s a man. He messaged her asking who it was. She replied back saying it’s her friend, he asked if that’s who she stays with in the city. She said something like is this relevant, then he just straight up asked if she was seeing someone.

Why would he care? He went downstairs to make a drink, I’m in the bathroom now crying. I don’t know how to approach this, I know he’s going to downplay it. But we’ve been so happy, I would of never known he still had feelings for his ex. I don’t even want to see his face right now. Ugh

OP posts:

Original poster

Bloodymen201 · 04/06/2021 22:03

He told me he’s not in love with her and never was. In the conversation we had today... so he clearly thinks he owns her. It’s just too much drama for me.

Yeah I did think we were happy, he seemed very happy with me

OP posts:

Linzi2377 · 04/06/2021 22:06

He might just be nosey? I speak fine with my exs and would probably ask if they had a new partner if they changed whatsapp picture too

Original poster

Bloodymen201 · 04/06/2021 22:16

This is very true. I think I need to have a proper talk with him. Just to get to the bottom of how he feels and how he sees our relationship going. I’m hoping it was out of curiosity and nosiness.

OP posts:

BlueButtercups · 04/06/2021 22:26

He's stalking her online. It's not healthy.

copperpotsalot · 04/06/2021 22:31

How long in was he head over heels and so in love? I might be barking up the wrong tree but if it was very quick then it's a telltale sign of still being hung up on a recently ended relationship

kiddo5467 · 04/06/2021 22:54

@Bloodymen201

This is very true. I think I need to have a proper talk with him. Just to get to the bottom of how he feels and how he sees our relationship going. I’m hoping it was out of curiosity and nosiness.

My initial reaction was it could've been out of curiousness or nosiness but you asked him and he's said he doesn't like the thought of her being with someone else. That's a huge red flag

Therefore it's much more than curiousness. Sorry OP

Sillawithans · 04/06/2021 23:17

I've asked an ex if they've met someone new as it made me feel less guilty about dumping them.

I'm also very nosy!

Original poster

Bloodymen201 · 04/06/2021 23:20

The way he worded the text wasn’t really a friendly “ooh have you met someone”

It was literally like who is that
Are you seeing someone

Which makes me think he still has feelings

OP posts:

MsDogLady · 04/06/2021 23:23

I think I need to have a proper talk with him. Just to get to the bottom of how he feels and how he sees our relationship going.

Three months was too soon. He was in love with her and isn’t over her, so is not totally emotionally available to you. The fact that he was checking her SM while snuggling in bed with you speaks volumes. She’s in his head and isn’t going anywhere anytime soon, no matter what he tells you.

This isn’t an emotionally safe relationship, OP. You deserve to be somebody’s ‘one and only.’

MsDogLady · 04/06/2021 23:27

Meant to say: The fact that he was checking her SM and texting her while snuggling in bed with you speaks volumes.

lovingmummyofeight · 04/06/2021 23:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RhubarbCustardy · 04/06/2021 23:39

Could it be that he's a bit possessive even though they are not together? Is he a bit possessive with you? If not just ignore. Just a thought.

kiddo5467 · 04/06/2021 23:43

@Bloodymen201

The way he worded the text wasn’t really a friendly “ooh have you met someone”

It was literally like who is that
Are you seeing someone

Which makes me think he still has feelings

He told you he feels jealous about her being with someone else = he still as feelings

🤷🏻‍♀️

Sorry, maybe not what you want to hear but seems quite obvious to me

5475878237NC · 04/06/2021 23:55

Sounds like you are getting caught in the cross fire of a typical rebound relationship I'm afraid. There's not much more to say is there. He isn't over her. I stayed too long with my ex is often code for it was quite a long relationship and I screwed up the ending and have complicated feelings about it.

Sandra15 · 05/06/2021 00:17

He's just miffed that he thinks he's been replaced. Who chucked who? If I were you, I would chuck him. Don't ever play second fiddle.

timeisnotaline · 05/06/2021 00:19

If he’s told you he never loved her, he’s told her he loved her. Lies everywhere.

notthemum · 05/06/2021 01:22

Lovingmummyofeight
WTAF 🤷‍♀️ 🤔 ? ?

litterbird · 05/06/2021 07:25

Ugh.....you are in a rebound relationship. Sorry OP. You are just the hand hold to recover from his ex. He is not over her by a long shot. 3 months isn't really that long to fully recover from someone after a relationship. You are now triangulated into a really uncomfortable position. Its you, him and her now. I have experienced triangulation before and it was awful. I eventually left as I didn't want to feel like the third wheel. Have another chat with him but be knowledgeable about where you stand now with this and how you want to move forward with or without him.

copperpotsalot · 05/06/2021 08:27

@Bloodymen201

The way he worded the text wasn’t really a friendly “ooh have you met someone”

It was literally like who is that
Are you seeing someone

Which makes me think he still has feelings

Yeah they're two different things aren't they

WobblyMelon · 05/06/2021 09:29

If he’s jealous of her seeing someone else he still has feelings. Whether they be loving or possessive. Neither are great. Sometimes you don’t realise how you feel about someone until they move on.
I find it weird he was cuddling you in bed and texting her
At least he was honest that he feels jealous and didn’t try and make up something.
I’ve been out with someone who wasn’t over an ex and it felt like I was being used as a crutch. He needs to be completely over her before entering a relationship. Otherwise, you’ll always feel second best or looking over your shoulder

Yellowhighheels · 05/06/2021 17:19

Sounds like he's not being consistent in his account of their relationship (was it a fling where he was not in love, or did it fizzle and he stayed too long?), also her response is defensive which seems like this is not his first such question. I could be wrong but this all seems a bit raw to say he is now so keen on you.

Good idea to have another chat but have a clear idea of what you want from the relationship and what you won't accept, don't let yourself be fobbed off. Better to walk away if his answers don't make you happy, rather than be left wondering what his intentions really are.

BlueButtercups · 05/06/2021 20:00

yes char his lying arse out the door with his stuff closely behind.

Don't be anyones second choice OP.

wobblywinelover · 06/06/2021 00:38

All this 'not in love with her' business is total bull crap speak for hoping you will accept that he 'liked her a lot' but not enough so she's not a threat to you kinda thing. Still makes you feel like rubbish though doesn't it. And you are right to feel like this. He's minimizing yet maximizing this past relationship to you and making you feel confused enough you've had to post on here for advice. Now you will be looking out for signs of anything going on between him and his ex. Does he look at her social media etc.. and all the crap that goes on with the internet. If you were to follow any pattern I have, you'll end up going on a major investigation via internet hunt to check for clues of this that or the other. That alone will make you feel miserable and stressed. If you know this will happen deep down ask yourself do you want to become a real time relationship private investigator? This is the sort of life some of us end up living due to these unhealthy relationships or excessive red flags list for whatever reason. It's a thoroughly miserable way to live. Consider your options. Single and happy is not so bad. Single and looking is not so bad. Just concentrate on your own happiness because that's obviously what he is doing/has done. Men are incredibly selfish too remember. Be careful and choose well, your future depends on it. Don't let any man get you down or damage your mental health and take care x

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