I will give you the short version. Together for 23 years. 2 children together, 10 year age gap. Relationship started to go south a few years ago but whenever I asked he said he was still really eager to work on it and put in the effort. Saying this he did nothing different, refused counsellor and treated me like he did not like me. Roll on to around Xmas this year. He is getting physically distant, no sex, few hugs, doesn't want to be with me or the children. I try putting on date nights ,talk to him about whether lockdown has affected his mental health. Even asked him outright if he has me someone else. All met with derision. Then, thinking I must be mad I go through his phone and discover he has been seeing someone else for some time. Only thing he says to me is how dare you go through my phone. Has not spoken to me since (3months on) Only texts me and is very aggressive and argumentative. Several friends have said it sounds like I have had the affair - not him. I did ask him to leave when I found out but nothing else. I don't want a reunion - I am much happier since he left. He is a grown adult though and has made no effort to create a co-parenting relationship so that we can discuss the children.
The children have been affected greatly - to the point one of the won't see him and has suffered dreadful anxiety. He has done nothing to to try to repair this relationship apart from to let me know that he feels that her attitude is unhealthy and she should break this unhealthy cycle...when I suggested her anxiety is due in part to his behaviour he said he has done nothing to her....
Can anyone shed any light on his psychology here? I am completely stumped.. He has blamed me for his affair, telling people that I would have had an argument with him if he had said he wanted to leave. I know this is not the case, and I believe a lot of people blame their partner for the decision to have an affair. More perplexing is his reaction to our teen
Thanks in advance for any helpful remarks!