Is it ever better to keep your enemies close?

[AnotherGo]

I'm married to an entitled man child. I won't go into details but he uses the term "female privilege" and is currently asleep on the sofa because he has one of those mysterious illnesses that only strikes when DC are crying and not when he wants to play video games all night.

I'm sure you can imagine the rest. He's also got poor MH. Anxiety, depression but won't seek help and is v defensive and angry i bring it up. Hard to know where MH begins and being an arsehole ends. For example he didn't support me very well when I found out my newborn was unwell but he said it was due to anxiety. Arsehole or anxious? Who knows and who the F cares anymore?

Is it always better to divorce? I just know he will be hell on earth. He will go for 5050 and get some horrible flat and expect my two tiny DC (under 3 yrs) to go to his every weekend while he sulks and ignores them and tells them how mummy ruined his life

I also bought the house with a deposit that was all mine. He's been paying half the mortgage for 6 months only. All the equity in the house came from me from buying a good investment flat years ago

Am I going to give up my home when he paid nothing towards it AND most importantly ask my DC to go through it all??? Im still breastfeeding one of them FFS.

Is it EVER better just to hate him but keep him close and "managed". I mean he can be alright sometimes and he can be fun with DC but underneath it he is a right s*it and always will be.

I guess I know the answer. I just need strength. I'm 35. I've got a job. I love my DC. I am a happy strong woman and I've got an overgrown self pitying drama queen DH who is negative about everything. I just want to be free but the enormity of it is so much. Crying in our bathroom writing this while trying to get baby to sleep.

Any words of wisdom

My heart breaks for you, for the loss of your baby and for having it all to do by yourself.

Do what you said. Plan. Keep quiet until you're ready. Divorce him.

Good luck.

Grey rock. Ignore any current or future temper tantrums.

My ex loves to play Disney dad. Fine, they have fun, it's all good. But when they are ill, or in hospital, he doesn't give a shit. He's utterly despicable, but I ignore it. What good what it do, if I tried to hold him accountable and force him to be a good father? Of he hasn't figured it out by now, he won't. So I don't bother.

This divorce and child contact arrangement experience will be painful, but it's a game. Be tactical, and play it. Win by being divorced and ignoring his behaviour.

I don't suppose there's any chance of him having an affair and fucking off?

How long have you been married for and how long co-habiting?

@RandomMess

How long have you been married for and how long co-habiting?

Married for 3, cohabiting for 4 (we lived in a flat I bought before I met him). We bought our first house together 7 months ago but with my deposit money. I'm such an idiot.

He was mucking around with the toddler tonight. Saying "my boy, my son" and giving me venomous looks. Shudder.

I'm not scared for myself. He can hate me until he's blue in the face I don't care. But the inevitable manipulation and game playing with the DC is stopping me in my tracks