Can trialing seperation ever work?

[Morray]

My DW and I have agreed to trial separation as our relationship is spiraling. We have three DC so life is hard, there is never enough time and we each seek to be selfish with the little time we have at the other's expense. We haven't had sex in a long time and when we did, neither of us really enjoyed it. There is no passion in the relationship (not just sexual). We both agree that attraction, both physically and emotionally, has lowered. It feels like we have only been together for last few years because it's all we know and all we have known for 10 years. We just aren't happy with each other anymore.

Are we best of separating or is this just life with work and kids?

Following. I'm starting a trial separation with my husband.

The love has been replaced by resentment.

Resentment is definitely a word I would use to describe us. We just keep on going on with life ignoring the fact we are unhappy. We have had mature conversations about it since we agreed to separate, and a lot more still needs to be discussed. I think we both feel a bit bad because a portion of the issue is attraction/sexual connection which is hard to face. But if that basic instinct isn't there, does the rest of what builds a relationship crumble?

Does this trial separation involve one or both of you trying out other relationships?

Neither will be trying other relationships, that's not what we want from this separation. It may sound pessimistic but I cant see how things can recover. I'm not sure either of us want it to recover.
I don't know of this is normal/common?

I had a trial separation with OH last summer and we spent a month living apart. To be honest I do think it helped fix some of our problems short term - I was dying to live together again and I did realise that I wanted to be with him. But it didn't last much longer after that and we broke up for good in January. I hope everything works out for you.

IME it was a soft break up of a long relationship and marriage.
It wasn't my instigation and I found it quite cruel to keep me dangling for a few weeks whilst he behaved like a single man and my life fell apart.
Once he said it was over, I realised that actually that was what I wanted too and we divorced

So your wife no longer finds you sexually attractive?

If you both do not wish the marriage to continue why are you wanting just a trial separation.
Have you tried councelling? It sounds as though you are not wanting it to become better, does your wife feel like this?

You are the one posting so does that indicate you are more interested in this separation ?

Have you considered a trial separation and counselling? Mt friend did this and it really helped - they both were at a stage where they resented each other - domestic tasks / child care was left to my friend and he was out and about having fun - but they are back together now and re kindled the love for each other - you can lose each other in mundane daily life

I think it can help make the decision whether to separate completely or decide to keep working on your relationship.

I think if you want your marriage to survive and more importantly improve the trial separation has to be in tandem with actions to improve things when you get back together, so counselling etc rather than preparing for your individual lives.

@sillysmiles

I think if you want your marriage to survive and more importantly improve the trial separation has to be in tandem with actions to improve things when you get back together, so counselling etc rather than preparing for your individual lives.

Yes, this above.

Sounds like you've both been going through a tough time OP.
All marriages with young kids go through bad patches. You owe it to the innocent kids you brought into the relationship to at least have counselling and work through issues before splitting their family and lives apart.

Paradoxally, focusing more on yourselves as a couple, rather than just parents, is absolutely vital here. Never forget that your marriage came before the kids. You need regular quality couple time away from the kids to keep romantic/sexual feelings alive. Sacrifice whatever you need to in order to get that quality time.

Far too many threads from people on these where one of the other parties had sex with others, even resulting in pregnancy.

I think it give you space to reconcile with yourself wanting to separate. Separating seems to big, trial separation felt to me like a bridging step

Agree that it is generally a bridging step for people struggling to actually make the decision. Rarely means getting back together but as always it works for some.