Relationship changed, feeling sad

[Idneverlietoyou]

I have been with my lovely boyfriend for a year and a half. I'm very happy with him and he's everything I could wish for in a partner.

He has a 8yo DD who lived with her mum, very complicated and messy situation. She has now come to live with her dad and it doesn't seem that she'll see her mum for the foreseeable future.

I'm very happy for him as before the mum made it very difficult for him to see DD and he missed her terribly. I think it's the best thing for both of them, from what I've seen he's a really good dad.

But it means that our relationship has now changed considerably. No more weekends on our own and even evenings are tricky as she's not a good sleeper. I wouldn't change anything but I feel so sad and bereft. I don't know what to do

Do you live together?

Do you want to be a full time step mum figure?

You haven’t been together very long to have things change so much.

His daughter has obviously been through a lot and his focus will be on settling and supporting her. To lose your relationship with your mum, at such a young age, is hugely traumatic.

It’s okay to decide that as much as you love him the change in circumstances now means you need to move on.

What has been the discussion between you both about this?

@litterbird what discussion does there need to be? Kids come first.

@AnneLovesGilbert I think the first priority here is his daughter, she has been through an awful lot.

I don't want to be a full time step mother, we weren't planning on living together until my children had left home.

Mine are teenagers and spend time with their dad.
I guess I had got to the stage with my children where they are fairly independent and I don't want to go back to parenting younger children.

I was so much enjoying our relationship, it was still very much in the happy honeymoon stage

F

@litterbird no discussion. I don't want to make him feel bad when he's dealing with so much. The situation cannot change I guess I have to get over it

@Blueskytoday06. I am fully aware that the daughter comes first, I was wondering what the discussion was around when you would see each other or did her partner mention anything about the relationship may not work. I am sorry for the OP that her life path and his life path dont match anymore as she has suggested that she doesn't want to go back to parenting younger children anymore. I get that as I wouldn't want to go into a relationship with someone with younger children either. Sorry OP but he will have his hands full concentrating on stabilising his daughter and giving her 100% of his time. At least you can take from the relationship the fact that after your divorce you can find love again and feel those wonderful honeymoon feelings again. You will find it again. Next time it might be best to find someone who has grown up children that have moved on in their lives. It will hurt for a while for both of you as I am sure he felt the same and was enjoying his time with you. Life can throw curve balls at times.

I'd let the dust settle, and see how things change. If he's a good Dad, hopefully he will make her feel more secure and be able to put some good routines into practice with the sleeping. You could gently guide him with this if he's willing to listen.

It's a massive change for all of you.

@litterbird it's such a shame I had been single for a long time and felt very lucky and surprised to have met and fallen in love with someone who I thought I would spend the rest of my days with. I doubt it will happen again.

Bloody curve balls

@randomkey123
Yes I guess I should wait a while and see how things pan out and how I feel