Children meeting a new partner? How long

[ColaOlaLa]

Just wondering how long you would wait (or did wait) before introducing your children to a new partner?

I'd give it 6 months generally, or not at all if it's not that serious.

I think a big part of it is how long it's been since you broke up with their dad. At a very bare minimum, I think you should wait 6 months. You need a chance to get to know them/look for and red flags before they come anywhere near your kids. There's no rush so take it very slow.

I allowed a man to meet Dd far too quickly and it will always be a huge regret of mine. Never again.

And learn from my hideous mistake - 6 months at the absolute minimum and keep it very casual, only meeting out of the house for lunch/park/walks etc. I’d actually say a year is much better, but again keep it very casual.

Men come and go, but the potential damage to your (and my!) kids lasts a lifetime. Be very careful. The man I was seeing seemed perfect in absolutely every way. He was not and nearly ruined my life.

6 months ish if everything is calm and going well. If there's an angry ex in the picture on either side or arguments over custody, children having issues etc then potentially a good bit longer. Really depends on the circumstances

I think it depends on many factors. How long ago your relationship broke up. But also on the age of your kids. And it does depend on circumstances too - for eg if he isn’t moving any time soon and you have a fair amount of child-free time - there is no rush.

Generally - I’d say you need to be sure that your bf is a keeper and that normally takes longer than 6mo. So for me - I’d tell kids I were dating but not introduce them to my bf until I knew him for over a year.

It took my ex 3 mo to meet someone and introduce her/her kids to our kids.
Seemed fast but kids adjusted.

Thanks, a lot to think about! I’m not dating anyone yet but I’ve just signed up to OLD so was just wondering what the general consensus was on how long before introducing new partners etc

Depends on many variables.

Rule of thumb about a year.

Ex h 6 months-was far too soon for the kids and they started co sleeping again.

Myself 18 months relationship. Two years ish post split. Took it very slow. Just coming over for a couple of hours for a few weeks. Then 4-5 months in starting to stay over.

Just enjoy the fun of a new relationship without the kids as part of it for as long as you can if thats possible.

It does depend on the child/ren.

My son met my now husband after six months, he actually accidentally met him about three weeks before I intended as we were at the park and he walked over to say hello. When they then met properly my son remembered he was my friend from the park.

Really the meeting wasn’t the important bit, but the subsequent meets, how they interacted etc.

I honestly think you will know when it is right. Ive had relationships vary. If you feel it will be long term and he has the same outlook then I don't think it matters. I knew when I met my now DH he was the one pretty quickly. We moved in together within a month my daughter liked him. We were engaged after 8 months married after 14 and 3 years into a blissful relationship where every day he makes me feel like a queen. There were no red flags though. Still got on with with ex MIL and face timed her when his DC slept there. Ex was fine at the time and sung his praises. We are incredibly happy and have an argue free relationship but we both were honest from the start. Loads of people said we rushed into it but we knew we didn't want to mess around.

I never get the 6 month thing. I have had relationships that last 2+ years and gone to crap so that wouldn't have changed anything waiting that time.

My DD is well adjusted, loves my DH and they have an amazing bond. If she had not of liked him we wouldn't have progressed. Had I of waited 6 months, been utterly in love and she hated him? Well that would have been heart breaking. We have a happy blended home now with his kids and mine. His family are amazing and I feel like I belong to the family and loved by them all.

What I am trying to say is sod what other people think. You are living your life not them and trust your gut. You will feel if it is right x

Just to add he had been single 4 years and I had been been split from her dad for at least 6 years and was a year single from a long term thing. When I had a "fun" stage I didn't introduce her to them. I have more or less 50/50 custody though so most the time I saw my ex when she was with her dad for the first year though she knew who he was.

I also think it is healthy for children to know some relationships work and other dont. Though my DD never really got close to my ex. She knew he was there but didn't care either way had she of been the type to bond easily I probably would have been more cautious but her dad is such an amazing dad she never looked for a replacement and I wouldn't ever pitch it that way.

That’s good to hear Qwertyyui I must admit I don’t know how people manage to make it to a year plus without involving children

We did 6 months before we met each others children

We waited 6 months from when I met my now DH to me meeting my now DSD. For context, she was 3 and he had been separated for 2.5 years, divorced for 2.

In my case pretty quick because that's what the kids wanted. I'd not even had a date in 6 years so it's not like it was every tom dick and Harry.

I introduced them at about a year. By then I was as sure as I could be that we were in a serious committed long term relationship. I didn’t want them meeting just anyone.

It’s difficult as I am a lone parent so my child are with me full time, their father is not on the scene so no exes to worry about and we’ve been split up for years (the kids wouldn’t even remember me and their father together) so don’t have to worry about that side of things. I would mainly date whilst they are at school and my mum would have them occasionally then I was thinking once I got to know someone better they could come round whilst they are in bed.

My mum used to have ppl round and then they left before we got up
This was before she got married

My kids aren’t really the type to wake when they go to bed they normally are out for the night so won’t know anyone was around etc

6 months for someone I met in real life who I vaguely knew beforehand.

Longer or not at all for men met via OLD largely because I rarely kept them around for long enough.

I made a mistake and did it way too soon. I’d known the bloke for 20 years and thought we could trust him. I was mistaken. After two years he threw us out in the most brutal way. Dd was furious and broken-hearted (as was I).

Have been seeing my current fella for 10 months, and haven’t introduced them yet - if I could get away with it I probably never would......

I’m OLD now after being single 5 years. My youngest DD is 10. If I meet someone could probably be fairly quick but more as a ‘friend’.

Her dad introduced Dd to his girlfriend very quickly - after a few weeks I think.
Trouble is I have my DD 24/7 - she has no overnights at her dad.
So far I’ve been on a few dates , evenings, and DD has been babysat - but for example the chap I’m seeing now has a young DD too, and has custody.
If we started a relationship then I think we would meet with kids sooner rather than later. Which actually won’t happen with this guy anyway as he’s not right for me.
So - will probably be a few months I imagine for me when it comes to it.
I’m not even telling the kids when I go on a date currently- I just say I’m going out with a girlfriend.

I didn’t mention the boyf for the first 6 months, then he was a “friend” and he met DD out of the house for a half hour one day. Over the next 6 months they met a bit more often and boyf would come round for dinner now and then when DD was home but he was still a “friend”. Eventually I told DD that he was my boyfriend. That must have been 12 months or more into the relationship. He pops in and out a lot now and I will give him a cuddle and a kiss but he doesn’t stay over when DD is here. He is coming on holiday in August though so that will be interesting! He, DD and I are all introverts who eventually need our own space so I’m expecting that he’ll go off and do his own thing a fair bit.

Not saying my model is perfect but it works for us and particularly for DD.

I met my partner's kids quite quickly, but only as 'mum's friend' - and they were just young enough to believe that. We sort of felt it out from there. How much they seemed to like me being around.

A few weeks later the then six year old declared it would be better if I stayed over so we could play in the morning. We held off another few weeks before explaining that we were in a relationship.

That was about six years ago, and it seems to have all have played out great. The kid's dad said at the time that they seemed happy with everything and he didn't see any negative behavioral or emotional reaction.

The then six year (now 11) year old was and is a delightful, warm and sociable girl though, which helped.

My kids met my partner after a couple of months as I had hurt myself and he dropped over some medicine. I have my kids 100% of the time. Even now he comes over a couple of times a week, usually for the day one weekend day and sometimes for dinner mid week. He does not stay over even a year into the relationship. I go to his for privacy but we made the decision that sleepovers are not part of what we want for the children at this point.