Alcoholic mum causing misery

[greedygoose48]

DM is an alcoholic and has had a problem with drinking for as long as I can remember. She doesn’t work and is completely reliant on my father looking after the household and finances. She’s abusive and spiteful and makes his and the rest of our lives a nightmare. He’s utterly miserable and he should leave and wants to but we both know that her care would fall to me. The only thing she still does herself is basic self-care like washing and feeding herself. Her mental health is awful, she’s forgetful and hallucinates and makes up stories.

I’m low contact with her as she has been awful to me in the past and I don’t live close but it’s heartbreaking to have two miserable parents and I have no idea what to do to make this better, do I encourage him to leave and pick up the slack myself?

This has been going on for years and makes me so sad and I literally have no idea where to turn to for support.

I don’t know what to advise, sorry but it must be awful for you and your father. I wish I could be more helpful and my heart goes out to you ❤️

Hi OP. I'm so sad to hear this. I know the scenario all too well.

Have you tried Al Anon? They have a helpline you can call to just chat to someone who has been there. 0800 0086 811 - sometimes it just helpful to rant at someone who knows exactly where you are coming from.

You encourage him to leave and then don't pick up the slack. Alcoholics don't change until they start feeling the consequences of their choices. That's harsh, but it's true.

Surely your Dad doesn't want you to pick up the slack here? He should divirce her or leave her and have done with it. You don't owe her anything if this has been going on for years. Your Dad has been unwittingly acting as her enabler all this time. It has to stop.