I don't want to feel like this anymore

[Icegems4]

I'm sat here in tears. For 8 months I've exhausted myself emotionally over someone. I have never been in this situation before. I've always had normal relationships but this man somehow has affected me and broken me down. Now I'm just a mess and can't seem to snap out of this horrible cycle. I can't afford therapy. I've listened to things online. But I'm still struggling.

This man actually doesn't have any good points and his value in my life is not much. For three months he fooled me into believing he was a solid hard working man with high morals when it came to realtionships. But over time more and more things have come to light and it was so gradual I couldn't see it happening.

I'm now at a point where I can see everything but I feel trapped. I don't live with him. But emotionally I can't seem to get away.

He knows how to make you feel so secure and then his mood will completely change. Friday night we were having a wonderful night. Then over the weekend he's barely been speaking to me.

He's been lying to me and he hasn't realised he has been lying. His story changed both days. Also using terrible excuses to hours without responses from him.

I'm so sick of him sucking Me back in. I remember the good times and it makes me feel so much pain. I want to go back there when I felt safe. I am so confused. Has anyone got any advice?

Partial reinforcement theory.

They did an experiment decades ago using baby monkeys. Scientists made a fake robot 'mother' and wired her to give the babies electric shocks when they came to the robot mother for comfort.

Baby monkeys who got a shock every time they approached the 'mother' soon gave up.

But baby monkeys who sometimes got a shock and sometimes didn't couldn't stop going back.

Think about this.

Hopefully once you have understood this, you will stop being the monkey who keeps going back.

You will never solve it, it will never be ok. This guy is rubbish. He is fatally damaged and gets his 'partners' to live out his pain for him (projection). Only don't think knowing that will change him - oh no- he doesn't have to, because there are so many women who will dance this dance for him. Your focus should be yourself entirely.

Break the pattern. I think you will find a few months on you will wonder what the hell just happened. Then start a process of self education so you do not enter this type of psycho drama again.

Then as soon as you feel "that feeling" you will know to exit and that to hang around to see if this time things are different "this time around" is a very dangerous thing to do. Some of us are vulnerable to this stuff, like drug addicts and we have to be mindful not to 'fall' and to read the clues before we do. I'm afraid this is you too.