Ex Son in Law accusations

[Nofunatall]

Name changed and apologies in advance for the length.

Brief back ground:

STBEx- SIL has a real problem with my DH and me. He blames us for the split from DD and, also for her not crawling back to him. He thinks we are keeping them apart. We are not, DD makes her own choices, but we do help out, as being a single working mum has its challenges.
Problem:
Since the split ExSIL has indulged in low level sniping aimed at my DH and me but recently he has ramped it up.
He told GDC (3) that we were going smash up their toys.
He reported my DH to the police as an habitual drink driver (a lie). At least he said he did, we haven't heard anything from the police.
Then last week he told DD that he is going to report my DH to social services and the police. He wouldn't say what for - apparently we will find out soon enough.
Now I don't know if he will, or whether he is just getting a kick out of frightening us, but I wouldn't put it past him. We are concerned that he will accuse DH of harming DGC. He hasn't, in fact he is rarely alone with DGC but we are very worried, nonetheless, and wondering what to do. Should we step back for DD's sake incase there is an investigation? But if we do exSIL has won. He will have put a wedge between us and DD/DGC and got his revenge. Maybe he thinks with us out of the way he can wheedle his way back in.
Or am I overreacting?
Any advice gratefully received and thank you for reading.

Are you documenting all this? That’s your first step.

Nothing appears to have been true at the moment, however I would worry your DGD is being cohered into saying things, or him saying things to scare her.

Write down anything she’s saying as well.

It may help when DD needs backup in court.

Continue supporting your DD. Your SIL is just angry she won't go back to him. Do not let his empty threats shake you as a family. DD needs your support.

Sounds like he was abusive. What kind of man tell his 3 year old, the GPs will smash their toys.

Have divorce proceedings started yet?

Collect screenshots or any audio you can. It’s a crime to harass people like this.

Is the child aged 3 or are there three children? If the latter, how old are they? Do they usually listen to their dad or known what he's like?
I would actually approach the police and ask for advice. Not sure, but would they count this as harassment? Also what access does he have to DGC and could your DD get mediation involved?

Thank you. The conversations are with DD and she documents everything anyway as she has had lots of problems with her ex. He is an accomplished and convincing liar.

Yes our worry is that he is putting words in DGCs mouth.

I would preempt him and speak to the police. He is beginning to harass you. If he does eventually make accusations then the police/social services will be aware of the history.

I would be going straight to the police to get his threats and harassment on record.

I agree with what @MadeForThis said.

Believe my SS are very use to receiving malicious reports. They will be able to see right through him

Very confusing thread. So your daughters ex bf is saying all these things. Whose the sister in law. His sister. She's saying these things as well.

Because you say exsil and then say he? If he a man or a woman

SIL in this case is Son in Law .

Please keep on supporting your daughter, this "man" is a bully.

Ahh right get it now son in law I'm thinking sister in law sorry.

I'd tell him to back off. Failing that your dd can with hold access until he takes her to court.

@Christmasfairy2020

Because you say exsil and then say he? If he a man or a woman

Son in law, I would imagine.

Soon to be ex son in law, DD’s husband

Continue to support. Now more than ever your daughter will need it. He is ramping up the emotional manipulation and will continue to do so.

Speak with the police too about the threats etc and advise daughter to only liaise with him in regards to contact- and i would actually advise this takes place via a contact centre so actually she needs no contact at all with him

@Aquamarine1029

I would be going straight to the police to get his threats and harassment on record.

This

If you back off he will have hot what he wanted. As others say , document and record everything he says. He sounds like he wants your daughter to have no support available so that she might return to him.

Parental alienation, look it up as what he is doing is just that by saying these things to his DD. I would also contact the Ss to see what they suggest. I use to work within the SS so they should be able to give advice re father of the child. What he is doing is mental abuse telling his DD that you are going to smash her toys up. How awful for the child. Stopping this behaviour you will need to document everything, such as drop offs, hangovers, child’s appearance when dropped off and her mood. This will impact the child more than you realise. I left a bastard like this.

Thank you all for your comments and I apologise for the confusion. Yes SIL is Son in Law - my DD's soon to be ex husband.
They have one child 3 years old.
They are separated because he was verbally and emotionally abusive towards my DD: name calling, lying, gaslighting. Of course he denies it all and blames my DD. We have always worried that he would start on their LO.
Divorce is initiated and DD has instructed a solicitor. Since starting this thread I have had a long chat with DD. We are going to talk to her solicitor then social services and the police with a view to asking for supervised contact at a centre. Don't know if she will get it but she can only try.
We will not step back but just ensure that neither DH or me will be on our own with DGC for the time being.
Thank you everyone who has responded.

Hope you're ok too.
I well remembered the drama my ex put me through and how it affected my mum. So much game playing from him. We separated when DD was 2. Lots of unnecessary drama from him involving mediation, courts, solicitors, CMS...then DD turned 10 and decided she never ever wanted to see him again, that was almost three years ago! That soon put an end to his ridiculous behaviour.

The conversations are with DD and she documents everything anyway

You need to keep separate records for yourself and her benefit.