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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

GF drifting away or overthinking?

7 replies

Jonit · 31/05/2021 15:12

For about a week, my gf has been (my point of view) not as engaging and distant. We spend weekdays apart and weekends together. We always speak during the week and last week she seemed almost like the couldn't be bothered. We always say 'love you' when we end talking in the phone and she seemed to say it quieter than usual....on the Thursday, after a few days of this I simply asked her if she was ok. She exploded at me and said she was until I asked and now she's paranoid. I simply made a point of asking if she was ok. Later in that day, I arrived to see her and she started asking me if I hate her etc and going in for a hug.

So the weekend came and I just felt something didn't seem right with her. Not saying 'I love you' as much and when I said it to her she say it back quietly or quickly. Bizzare. But she still holds hand with me, kisses me, touches me, initiates sex, strokes my arm, cuddles me etc in public sits facing me. She also tags me in posts on social media when we are out together. She also kisses my arm in the middle of the night when she turns over.
She's made plans with me, mentioned that we should book off August weekend together. She even texts my own mother saying what we are upto and last week planned to see my dad and my family with me.

Am I overthinking here? Would she do these things if she still had Interest in me? I guess the main thing is the 'I love you' had dropped a lot.

OP posts:
Jonit · 31/05/2021 17:12

Also rings to tell me what's she's upto, asks about things I mentioned etc.

OP posts:
Marineboy67 · 31/05/2021 17:21

You've asked her thats as much as you can do. Wait it out now and see if things improve. As long as she knows your open to discussion thats about it for now.

Jonit · 31/05/2021 18:30

@Marineboy67 thanks. I haven't mentioned it sînce. It's just not a great feeling when you think someone is drifting but don't know for certain. If I ask she's going to think I'm needy.

OP posts:
CroissantandCoffee · 31/05/2021 18:37

From my own experience, the best thing to do is to give her a bit of space. My own partner tried to hold onto me so tightly that it put me off hugely.
If she is 'drifting off' then there is not a heck of a lot you can do. It is sad but true. However, if you are upbeat and not suffocating, she might realise that you are too good to lose. Don't be a mug though. You are important too.

Drawingablank · 31/05/2021 18:43

@CroissantandCoffee agree 100%

Jonit · 31/05/2021 19:59

Thanks. I've always tried to just carry on and be myself. I've learnt the hard also in the past, and pushed to find out what was wrong but I learnt the best thing is to remain upbeat and be myself and be calm.

She's just mentioned about us getting a dog when we get a place together so surely she wouldn't mention something bug like that if she wasn't thinking of the future?

OP posts:
YellowTree1 · 31/05/2021 22:05

I think the dog comment is positive OP. It's hard but you're right, stay calm and upbeat and give some space, see what happens. If you increase contact or push for answers she may withdraw more.

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