Ok op, you feel trapped at the moment, many women are practical when thinking about escaping and you are no different.
It appears your children find it easier to blame you for arguments although they may not yet understand the dynamics of these outbursts.
It sounds as though you are neglected and un cared for by an unkind man and honestly trying to make family outings or holidays work with these selfish gits is a waste of time, it only serves to show you how unloved and unapreciated you are. They do purposely set out to ruin these things, holidays, birthdays, anything special that is family orientated.
For now I would make a promise to yourself NOT to go anywhere with him, take the children yourself or go with others.
Maybe he's narcisistic or just a miserable bastard but I get it, you get sick of trying.
Drop the rope, stop pandering to him and try not to get annoyed with the children because they have been programmed to agree with him, it's their safest option and that dynamic however old they get, won't change.
Make long term plans to detatch from him, hopefully things will become clearer, you really dislike him don't you, probably love him but it not enough if he doesn,t respect you.
