Lack of empathy from partner

[SleeplessinEastSussex]

I am at the end of my teether. I have 2 kids from a previous marriage and a toddler with my Current partner. DP has undiagnosed autism. I haven’t seen my mum for 15 months, in which time she has undone aggressive chemo. She has now come to stay with us. The DC were playing outside and left 2 balls and 5 sticks on the drive. They said they didn’t. Partner checks the cctv and said that they had been lying to him . My mum points out all kids lie and he said that no one in his family ever lied to him and they all had a pact to tell the truth. Mum said that was unusual and sometimes we lie through things that are not said and live a lie that way. For context his parents had an unhappy marriage and divorced where My partner did not talk to his mum for 2 years.
At this point, he got up and told my mum to fuck off out of his house. She was then in tears and packed up.
He stormed off and doesn’t see the impact of what he’s said and done. The kids overheard all of this.
If I ever said this to his family, it would be the end of the world. This lack of empathy and emotional engagement is now impacting me, my kids and my mum.
I just needed a rant x

I have diagnosed autism, as do my kids. My partner likely has autism but hasnt been assessed.

I honestly cant see the relevence in this case about your partner being awful to your mum.
I mean, i can get that it might cause issue with being able to see her point of view, but the rest of it, the aggresion and the language. I dont think autistic or non autistic should get a free pass for that. I think hes just a dick and you need to stick up for your poor mum.

That's disgusting why are u allowing him to speak to her like that and her packing her bags it's disgusting behaviour he sounds like an absolute prick

@Closetbeanmuncher

By ‘undiagnosed autism’ do you mean ‘he acts like a cunt and this is what I use to excuse his behaviour’?

Looks like it doesn't it

Please let’s not have another nasty abusive twats behaviour being excused as autism, it’s getting infuriating on here 🤬

Totally agree, and deeply offensive to people who are autistic or have autistic children.

Wakey Wakey OP. What you have there is garden variety cunt. Your poor mum and kids. It's him that needs to go, not your mum.

It sure is deeply offensive and very common on here. Autism is not synonymous with being a horrible person. Someone can be Autistic and abusive or nasty, but no one is nasty or is abusive BECAUSE they're Autistic. So it doesn't matter if he is not.

DP has undiagnosed autism

Who decided this?

He certainly does lack empathy and respect. OP, especially considering the circumstances, I would have made him go and not her.

For Christ's sake op, he knows that telling your Mum to fuck off is appalling and deeply hurtful. That is not lacking empathy, it's just being an aggressive, angry wank stain.

Even checking the cctv is a fucking shit thing to do. He could have just told the kids to go and move them off the drive and if they didn't, there would be a consequence.

On what you've put in your post, he does not have undiagnosed autism at all, so you may want to revise using that as an excuse.

Also, some children lie some of the time but it is something they should learn not to do. Are your kids frightened of him?

Wow, how disrespectful is he, telling an old lady who is poorly to Fuck Off just because she dared to comment.Checking CCTV to establish if 2 kids have left something on the drive, never heard anything like it.You need to have a good long think about how damaging this type of Father is to your children.He is their role model and his behaviour needs modifying.

I wish people would stop conflating autism with being a cunt.

There is a serious imbalance of power here.

Your husband actually went to the trouble of rewinding cctv to prove his point with your children.

They are too scared to tell the truth, in any household leaving a ball and a few sticks on the drive would not be a problem.

Come on op, your mother is right, she was trying to pacify him from becoming angy with the children, SHE WAS PROTECTING THEM.

You should have sided with your mom, you didn't, which indicates you are also frightened of him.

He sounds awful, an abusive bully, and I would not have someone like that arround my children.
Oh and if my partner ever told my mother to fuck off and get out he would have had an ice pick in the forehead.

@Onthedunes

There is a serious imbalance of power here.

Your husband actually went to the trouble of rewinding cctv to prove his point with your children.

They are too scared to tell the truth, in any household leaving a ball and a few sticks on the drive would not be a problem.

Come on op, your mother is right, she was trying to pacify him from becoming angy with the children, SHE WAS PROTECTING THEM.

You should have sided with your mom, you didn't, which indicates you are also frightened of him.

He sounds awful, an abusive bully, and I would not have someone like that arround my children.
Oh and if my partner ever told my mother to fuck off and get out he would have had an ice pick in the forehead.

I agree 100% with this. Op, you need to find your inner tigress, just as your mother did. Why was it only your mother standing up to him?

Stand up for your children. They should not have to live in this environment. He isn't even their father - WHY do you allow this man to discipline your children at all? Why? This should have been stopped the moment it started.

It doesn't matter if he cannot or if he simply will not see the impact of his behaviour - whether or not he is autistic makes no difference whatsoever.

If your home life is like this all the time then you need to start lining up your ducks in order to split up.

Your partner is a cunt OP .