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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Unsure what to do ..

5 replies

Goldenelephant123 · 30/05/2021 21:06

So my mother loves attention and always has to be involved in everything. She often gets involved with mine and partners life and will ruin certain things with her attitude. For example before Christmas she was going on about Mobile phones and asking what do I think my partner will get me I was like I don’t know it doesn’t really matter.. fast forward to Christmas Day my partner got me a mobile phone and she was in my face saying I knew you was getting that, he told me before anyone if it. Wasn’t for me you wouldn’t have got that.. obviously it was nothing to do with her but it just winds me up I just feel like it doesn’t always have to be about her .. I asked my partner to not tell her in future..

Anyway I have a feeling my partners going to propose soon and today I was on video call with a family member and my mother was there with the family member and she was talking about exciting times ahead etc then she said “don’t worry I’ll pick you out a nice Diamond ring” my family member on the phone had a face like thunder and shook there head and was like WTF keep quiet (they thought they turned the camera away they’re not that tech savvy) then I felt weird so ended conversation ..

I feel really weird now cos I don’t actually know if my partners going to propose cos generally it’s meant to be a surprise but it’s in my head now and I want to tell him what my mother said.. but if he is proposing I don’t want him to get upset and let my mother put him off.. but at the same time why does she do this?
What would you do?

OP posts:
Unsure98 · 30/05/2021 21:19

What’d be the point of bringing it up?

Thelnebriati · 30/05/2021 22:50

you cant change your mother, but I think I'd have to say something to him.
You asked him not to discuss anything with your mother after the phone business at Christmas, so did he tell her he was going to propose? Why would he ignore your wishes about this?

PinkSatinMoon · 30/05/2021 23:09

I would speak to your Partner by explaining your Mother takes an unhealthy pleasure, in knowing your personal business, and gloats about knowing about gifts and surprises before them being given.

I would make it clear to him that any surprises or plans or gifts he may be considering ... you do not want your Mother involved in any way... period.

Tell him she is ruining every special moment he plans, and enjoying it.

🌸

PinkSatinMoon · 30/05/2021 23:09

She sounds vile and jealous 🌺

ShinyBlackBoots · 31/05/2021 06:23

@PinkSatinMoon

I would speak to your Partner by explaining your Mother takes an unhealthy pleasure, in knowing your personal business, and gloats about knowing about gifts and surprises before them being given.

I would make it clear to him that any surprises or plans or gifts he may be considering ... you do not want your Mother involved in any way... period.

Tell him she is ruining every special moment he plans, and enjoying it.

🌸

This.

I'd also be asking him why he told her when you'd already asked him not to.
He needs some boundaries/to respect yu because, if he feels the pressure and defers to her every time, it's going to he a miserable life for you.

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