Has anyone here been to court when OH wants more access to child?

[Gizmo100]

My husband decided to seperate a few months ago and has made life very difficult for me in the process. It could have been an amicable split but he seems to have had a personality change in the process. Anyway he has never been interested in our daughter since day one and ive been like a single parent since then so not much change for me.
However my husband has a thing about access - he is like a dog with a bone - I let him have her one day at the weekend since he has left (2 weeks ago) but is demanding that she stays with him one night (she is 19 months old) and that his parent will now look after her on the day my mum and dad look after her (which they have done since i returned to work 11 months ago) when Im working. I have told him he is lucky to get her one day at the weekend (I only allowed this because a friend whose husband left her with no contact said any dad was better than no dad) but he said this isnt enough and he is going to take me to court. Ive been told this will cost £4k and i have said to him its a lot of money but he said he isnt bothered as long as he gets the access her wants. I nor my family have any money but my husbands family are very well off so i feel he is using the money to get his own way.
My lawyer has said the court will not take into account the way he has treated me (emotional abuse) it will solely be on my daughters welfare. The bizarre thing is he has said to me twice since he decided to leave that our marriage started to crumble when i fell pregnant and he realised he was not ready for kids (he is 40 next year!). Its like a big PR exercise for his friends and family to make them feel sorry for him and my lawyer has said if its goes to court they may find in favour because men tend to win! I told my friend this and she said she didnt think that was right?

The other issue is our house is sold and due to complete on 30th NOv so my daughter and i will be homeless - he hasnt even asked where we are going. His lawyer has ignored my lawyers letters about his financies so I cant even buy a new home for my daughter or I since him and his lawyer are avoiding it. So I feel I am being blackmailed into giving access to him that i dont want to give him just so I can get my share of the finances and buy a house for my daughter and I.

If anyone can offer advise on this i would be grateful.

You are entitled to half of all the assets. I am not sure that your lawyer is correct when he says that the court will not take into consideration his behaviour - they will if it will have an impact on your dd - he may mean that they tend not to take this kind of think into account when they are deciding on divorce/financial issues. If you feel that his behaviour will have an impact on access then the court must consider this - not to do so would be negligent on the courts part. If he is capable of emotionally abusing you then this is relevant to how the court may come to a decision.

Are you eligible for legal aid/assistance? How much to you earn?

As for finding in favour of men - this is a sweeping statement - yes the courts can sometimes find favour with men but they also find facvour with women - the court look to the welfare of the child and if they think that being with you is in the interest of the child then they usually will find in your favour.

I would suggest find a another lawyer. They are supposed to work for you, but all too many treat the client as if they were doing a favour for them.
While I am in favour of a Dad's involvement, and I can understand him wanting access, I am a touch suspicious.
Also your lawyer should be able to separate the finances from the access side. Another lawyer, someone who will act for you.

Karen

Thanks for your response. Im on £15k and ive been told I will get legal aid but my lawyer said it would be £4k so it doesnt look like legal aid covers this. I thought it was a sweeping statement at the time and was pretty upset. The sad thing is we were amicable when he left last Sunday then I get a letter from his lawyer saying we want this or were going to court - my lawyer said his lawyer is really aggressive. In fact my lawyer discovered his lawyer told him to threathen to move back into the house if he didnt get the access he wanted so she is ruthless (the practice gets a lot of awards - wont say here in case they link). When i queried it with him today he reiterated what his lawyer had put in the letter.

My husband was told over 2 months ago to get his financial info to his and my lawyer and we have seen nothing - he has a lot of money in stocks and shares and pensioned to the hilt and an accountant to do his tax return - i wonder if he is hiding things and is playing for time. I told him I had seen a house for my daughter and I that I would like to buy but I cant as he has not supplied all his financial info or agreed what proportion I will receive.

Wildfish - I was going to change lawyer but she started to sound like she was going to sort everything out and it wouldnt get that far but I feel as if I have had a relapse - its so bad I am thinking about leaving the country with my daughter and I because the man is an utter liar and his friends and family will be getting a different story from reality - I have all their names and addresses and I am so tempted to send them all a letter and tell them what he has been like - they would have a fit.

My brother in law who is a Consultant at the local general hospital talked to ex h after he decided to seperate and without prejudice said he thought my ex h had mental health problems - he was a friend of my ex h and he genuinelly meant this in a medical capacity.

Sorry, are you in England? I ask because I know the situation re legal aid in Scotland. If you qualify then you qualify - end of! If the bill is high then it is high - what may happen is that if you make a financial revovery (it through separation) then you may have to pay this back.

If I were you I would change lawyer - I would contact the Law Society and ask them to recommend someone.

His lawyer is using bullying tactics because she knows just exactly what you are entitled to - your lawyer should be doing far more (IMO)

Your ex has to make financial declarations and if he does not then you can ask the court to request that he does....do not take what your lawyer says if you thing that it is not right.....you are paying for their services and as such you are entitled to a good service.

this is bonkers. why have you agreed to sell the house which provides a home for you and your dd when yopu have no accomodation to move to and have no agreement about the division of the proceeds of sale??? this seems a much more pressing problem to me than him whining about the amount of contact he has with his dd.....

your lawyer sounds crap. he should be fighting your corner and giving you sound advice to protect your and your dd who lives with you....... you need a family specialist (or a better family specialist). you are either eligible for public funding or not. your solicitor has a duty to advise you as to your eligibility and make an application for you if he undertakes publicly funded work.

please think about getting some fresh legal advice asap.

if he does take you to court re contact you can choose to represent yourself if the legal costs will be exorbitant.....

but right now you need some good advice about the whole picture. is there a divorce petition or is this all in the context of separation at the moment? what financial contribution is he making to you / dd? where does he think dd will live when the house is sold? what is going to happen to the money on completion?

good luck!

Controlfreeky - the reason I decided to sell the house was because my ex h refused to move out of the house - he had alternative accm to go to which was even nearer his work but refused. He was making my life absolutely unbearable. I tried to get an exclusion order and even had my GP and my friend a female and child police officer giving me their support to get him out of the house but my lawyer said it would not be sufficient in court to exclude him from the house (my lawyer said it would take physical abuse to stand a chance) so because he was making life unbearable whilst in the house I had to sell to get away from him and he is the one who is leaving but wouldnt leave!! At the time he said he would only leave if i signed legal documentation to say i agreed to the access he wanted which my lawyer said not to do.

Its a womens aid lawyer I have as i was told they are the best lawyers but i am going to get a second opinion tomorrow.

Karen 999 I am in Scotland and sorry I should have said that at the start.

We have sold the property to the upstairs neighbour (my exh told the estate agent and we are now paying their fee!!!0 but what my ex h doesnt know is that my neighbour is allowing me to rent my/his house til such times as I get my new house but the less my husband knows the better - we are basically boxings all my things to look like my daughter and I are moving but we arent - he wont return to this area and he lives further afield and has no friends here.

Thanks for all your help

Gizmo

You really need to get a better lawyer! I don't think they are giving you very good advice. Do you mind me asking who it is? If you would rather not say you can e-mail me privately. I had a male lawyer to deal with my separation and although my circs were different to yours he was excellent and I knew that he had a good reputation. I work in the legal sector and have an understanding on how legal aid works. If you are eligible then you will get legal aid - has your solicitor applied for legal aid for you? You may want to call her and ask a number of questions - I would be only too happy to help you with this. If you feel that it would help the you can certainly let me know. x

Thanks Karen

I need my CC to sign up for the CAT and ive left it at my sisters so I will get it from her 2moro and email you then - thanks for your help!

Gizmo100

Ok - if you post on here tomorrow I will give you my e-mail address. x

Hi Karen - could i get your email address please

Many thanks

Gizmo100

Hi, am signing up for CAT also so it may not be working till tomorrow...thought I was already signed up for this! Hope you don't mind but it may be wise (since I work in this profession!!) to e-mail without me having to post my address. Sorry, got a bit confused....I will certainly be able to help you though so please don't think that I am trying to weedle out!!

If you are comfortable about giving me your e-mail address then great but if not, would it be ok to CAT me (once I am up and running?)

Hi Karen - I paid it tonight and then when i tried to email you it said you had selected emails to be blocked so i just thought u hadnt signed up already!!

Gizmo100

please avoid falling into the situation of using your daughter like a pawn. If he wants to have his dd overnight let him, just make arrangements put them in writing so you are not being messed around etc.

If you do not "put up a fight" he may stop fighting for it as you are not responding to a way he expects. One night per week gives you the opportunity to rebuild your social life, have a break etc it also gives him the opportunity to start building a relationship with his daughter.

Hi, have changed my settings to allow e-mails. Hopefully I will have the CAT thingy too by tomorrow. Sorry for the delay!! Hope you are ok. x

Hi - crap lawyers do exist and it's not uncommon to change lawyers. My mum did and it worked out much much better for her.

Your lawyer needs to seperate access from finances and it just seems that your partner's lawyer is going for the juglar. This is also common. your lawyer needs to counteract by being agressing too.

Your affidavit needs to be spot on (my mum's first laywer got the petitioner and repondant mixed up so her statement said my mum had the affair! It was my dad). Re - read everything they write about you.

Divorce isn't nice. Ensure your lawyer is instructed that he does not use his financial power to 'poor' you out and get more access to your dd.

Be strong and be in fighting mood - until it's over.

Best of luck.

Hi Gizmo100, I think you should be able to e-mail me now (!!) If not, let me know and I will just post my e-mail address anyway. x

Karen - can you CAT me - when i tried to CAT you it said u were blocing messages - think you need to change the settings, thats what I had to do.

Hi - Ive been to womens aid and they have set me up an appointment with a really good lawyer so meet her this Friday. Womens Aid were great and full of support. My ex h met his lawyer yesterday but keeping his cards close to his chest - weve also worked out why they want a Tuesday - Xmas day!. I wouldnt have a problem with my ex h seeing his daughter but for a man who has never bothered with her since she was born to wanting 24 hours at the weekend, an overnight during the week, and his mum and dad looking after her all day Wednesday (my mum and dad have done this for 11 months now) is taking the biscuit!!!! Its all about the villain looking like a martyr nothing about seeing his daughter. Funny enough my neighbour told me my husband came to the house when i was out on Saturday night for 10 mins then left - goodness knows what he was up to or where my daughter was since he had her then but it will give me great pleasure in asking him why he was there?

Glad to hear that you have been to womens aid and that you are going to instruct a diferent solicitor.

I think you post at night so will check on and off all day for you and when I see you on-line I will just post my e-mail address for you. It is probably easier that way.

Speak to you later...xx

Gizmo100 - have checked several times today and tonight but cannot see you! Hope you are ok.

xx