Meeting your new partners ex

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When/how should this take place

I am looking for general thoughts on this because it’s something that has come up recently

Me: boyfriend of 1 year
His ex wife: divorced 2 years, has a new boyfriend

If she’s being nosy, I am fatter and older than her 😂

@ode2me it means "I think"

I'd have no trouble telling my ex (or my partner's ex) "I just don't want to hang out with you socially" if they were being pushy after I politely declined the first few times! They are both insufferable dicks, though, and best avoided.

We have only ever met each other's exes by accident, i.e. running into them when out and about, no time to duck around a corner after we spotted each other.

It certainly isn't something any of you should be planning. Its just not nesscesary. It can just happen incidentally at a child's birthday party etc.
Obviously your boyfriends ex is a controller and still wishes to exercise this over him. He needs to man up a bit and support you.
My ex can be a nightmare and I dread meeting her with my partner and my previous girlfriend. Such a shame as her husband is the nicest bloke you'll ever meet, she's actually jealous of us talking to him when we do meet up at the grandchildrens parties. Just stand your ground there's no need to make a specific event to meet his ex.

She sounds like she needs to control everything, please start as YOU mean to go on.
Set it from now.
If she wants to do something you're not ready to do- don't do it.

Becoming a 'blended family' takes a lot of work.
Even if you don't feel you're quite there yet- everything you do now sets the ground work and blue prints.

She's going to want to see how he lives without her. I can't assume who ended there relationship- I'm going to bet it's her, because she wants to see how he's getting on since, and with you and if she gets what she wants - she will feel she can dictate in future

It's a really tricky minefield.
There are a lot of Facebook groups you can join for advice on situations as they arise and you will also get a gist of the type of BM ( birth mother) she is..... how things might go.

Please stick to you guns- don't worry about how you look and be really good at communicating how things feel for you with your partner

Good luck

I’m a more experienced parent than her. I also have a blended family with my ex which is fine, he has a lovely partner and that friendly RS just evolved naturally over time and wasn’t forced so my experience is to just let it happen, but it might never and that’s ok too.

Background is she did end the relationship but they were both pretty unhappy - he didn’t want to split up the family unit, but accepted it and she left him, moved out and left the kids with him. She is pretty lazy from what I have seen in the last year. He’s had to do basically everything for the past 2 years - clearing and selling house, all the school runs etc. She has them a couple times a week, seems to mostly watch TV with them or cart them around to friends houses for ‘sleepovers’ so the kids have terrible bedtime routines and sleep problems - they are lovely kids but this is one reason I am not keen to get too involved as a family unit 😂

I'd be massively put off by a bf telling me any such stuff about his ex.

I don’t think it was his fault he told me, it’s just how it happened. He was divorced but selling their house when I met him (and has now moved) and he did it all by himself and was getting frazzled looking after the kids during the whole pandemic when they were not in school/working from home/selling and clearing house. I asked if she was helping at all (as half her house and her belongings still there) and he said whenever he tried to involve her she just made it into an annoying drama as she didn’t want to help so he stopped asking.

I have witnessed how bad the sleeping issues are as I have stayed a couple of times and I know from a year of being in a RS with him that he has a whole routine and is working hard at cracking it (sometimes he asks me for advice as mine are older) and when he gets them back they usually have slept at various peoples houses/shared beds (as she lives with her parents) and he thinks this contributes to the sleeping problems

And the kids say outright ‘mummy let’s me x..y...z’

Ignore her. There is no obligation for you to meet his ex, any more than there is for him to meet her new BF.

We tried this once, invited ex and his GF to our house to sort holiday arrangements, it was crap. And since we moved house, exH doesn't even enter the curtilage of our boundary, he stays on the road in his car and will never ever be invited on to the property or into the house. Ever.

I've met dp's ex, pretty quickly by chance, makes life easier when there's kids, quite happy to go to joint events (dp has met her new partner too).

My ex's dp didn't want to meet me and waited around the corner when we did a car park exchange recently, I find it weird (her attitude) why not just say hello?

They may have been unhappy and split but she was still the one to break it off and I am left wondering ( partly down to my experience and what I've seen on other threads and groups) if it irks them when the ex begins to have a better life with out them or after them.
I found my SO ex was suddenly calling a lot, demanding a lot and was very nosy 🧐 but I put it down to her nose being out of joint cos she wasn't 'number one' any more- even if they weren't an item - if he was single she got more attention when she wanted it.
Then it became a 'oh look / I've got what you two have - with ANY MEN that she got with'

Odd dynamics but definitely stick to what you want to do. Glad you have a pleasant blended family experience on the flip side 😊

My DP’s ex wanted to meet me as the kids were spending time with me at weekends. She decided to come when I went over to his for dinner one evening, she walked in while we were eating, said hi, took DP’s fork off him and started eating off his plate (the meal I’d prepared) cheeky fucker . Some literal territorial pissing as she loudly announced she was going to use the loo, then left. Apparently her take was that I seemed nice and that DSD was “obviously smitten”, which she was less than pleased about.

When I met XH’s girlfriend it just happened when I went to collect the DCs one weekend, I went in and said hello, we all had a little chat etc, not a big deal.

I don’t know why anyone has to make a special thing of it, generally you’ll end up bumping into each other naturally at some point.

It is weird dynamics I have got a job on my hands I think but I knew this as he has little kids and I don’t!
His family and friends cannot stand her and when I asked why he did defend her - he’s a nice person. It upsets him to be any tension so he does try to keep the peace

So as he's trying to keep the peace (wise move) I reiterate let the three of them get on with it. If you're uncomfortable with it, don't go.