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Original poster

Why am I so upset about their break up?

16 replies

Lizzyblue · 30/05/2021 14:56

My sister has broken things off with her fiance, days before the wedding. He's absolutely devastated and she is very upset as well but she just didn't want to be with him anymore.

He became a big part of our family and he is really lovely, a good person. They've been together 12 years, they got together when they were very young, 16.

Not sure why she ended it apart from her realising she didn't want to settle down.

I feel like a proper moron but I'm so gutted and upset for them, and crying about it! Not crying to her as I'm supporting her, but I'm just feeling so sad. I feel like I'm mourning the life she was going to have with him, and now very worried about her as she doesn't want to talk to anyone and now she's starting from scratch, moving to a different town to a flat share. Is that abnormal?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 30/05/2021 15:03

Not at all. She’s done exactly the right thing. Far too many people are scared about the expense and excitement of a wedding to call it off even though they know they should.

But you’re entitled to feel sad about it, and you’re not burdening her with it, she’s got enough on her plate.

Change is hard. Cancelled plans are hard!

But divorce isn’t fun and a cancelled wedding and a break up are better.

PerhapsCarriageGreen · 30/05/2021 15:06

I wish my DB had done this before his first wedding. He didn't and then put his lovely wife through 2 years of misery before he left her. They are both very happily remarried now but I do so wish for both of them he called it off before hand.

C0nstance · 30/05/2021 15:08

12 years to get married? Was one of them l3ss keen for a long time

LemonMuffins · 30/05/2021 15:09

Possibly not, but I'd be prepared to find out she's had her head turned personally...

ShinyBlackBoots · 30/05/2021 15:18

@C0nstance

12 years to get married? Was one of them l3ss keen for a long time
They met at 16! Confused
C0nstance · 30/05/2021 15:18

Oh right, sorry

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/05/2021 15:38

@LemonMuffins

Possibly not, but I'd be prepared to find out she's had her head turned personally...
Then she’s definitely done the right thing by both herself and her ex.
Giantrooster · 30/05/2021 15:53

I feel like I'm mourning the life she was going to have with him

With all due respect, I'm not sure this is it. I think you are mourning the normality you know, the image of the family, you pictured. And that's normal and understandable Smile.

None of us like upheaval, things not being what we thought. Even you being a bystander of course you can mourn the loss of this.

Support your sister and take care of yourself Smile.

Hummingbirdblue · 30/05/2021 15:56

If he isn anything like my BIL, then you will probably soon come to find that he is actually a lazy, selfish fuckwit and your DSis is better off without him.

Unfortunately, DSis kept it all from us, BIL had us all fooled and it wasn't until DSis passed away BIL true colours came out.

Aprilx · 30/05/2021 16:01

“Moving to a new town, starting from scratch”. No that is not abnormal, that sounds like a woman who knows her own mind. It was brave of her to do what she did rather than sleepwalk into it and hope for the best.

I can understand why you are sad, you had an almost brother in law in your life that you have lost. But it will be for the best in the long run.

Thecatsawinner · 04/06/2021 10:15

Her adult life has been defined by their relationship so actually the move away could be a great decision. A house share is social and cheap. Support her. Stay in touch with your ex? I didn’t mind in the same position

SVRT19674 · 04/06/2021 15:14

This happened to my cousin. They were together since very young and he was like the extra son in the family, like the second coming. They all gave her a hard time, like how could she do that he was so marvelous blah, blah, blah. In the end she told my mum that he felt just like a friend or brother, and she wanted a partner. So that was that.

OnlyHerefortheBiscuits · 04/06/2021 18:30

I think your sister is very brave and you should be proud of her.

You're just struggling with the status quo changing...which is human I suppose.

Sillawithans · 04/06/2021 19:24

My brother's fiance called off their wedding a few months before the big day and I cried too. Mostly for my brother who is the nicest man on the planet and for her as she's a l9vely girl and I love her. They did go on to eventually marry and they have two lovely children now.

BeyondMyWits · 04/06/2021 19:31

I called off mine a few months ahead of the day , many years ago. Just felt like it was being pressed on to me, I didn't want to be with him forever.

I missed his lovely family much more than I realised I would. But it was the right decision.

Standrewsschool · 04/06/2021 19:34

You probably are grieving their anticipated future, plus the potential loss of your dsis’s ex-finance. He’s been in your life a long time.

Probably also disappointed about the cancelled wedding which you no doubt was looking forward to.

Probably also confused about what is happening. The future you anticipated has now changed and you don’t understand why. You seem to imply that you weren’t aware of any doubts from your sister.

I also think she is very brave. Can’t of been easy.

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