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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Should I worry for ex

9 replies

Lounew · 30/05/2021 10:21

We split up.last year married for 20 share 3 children was bits of our relationship he was violent to me blamed his temper and depression. Found out few weeks ago he was seeing someone else it broke me in 2 . Been trying to move on then hear last night he as lost his job and on his own again my first instinct was to reach out to him check he was ok . But deep down I know he as hurt me so much feeling torn any advice ??

OP posts:

Aprilwasverywet · 30/05/2021 10:24

Maybe be relieved the woman has seen sense....
Luckily he isn't your problem any more.

category12 · 30/05/2021 10:56

Don't reach out to him - he was abusive to you.

It will take you time to unhook yourself emotionally from him, because everything revolved around his emotions for so long for you.

You need to stay away and not let feeling sorry for him trick you back into being his emotional and physical punchbag again.

gurglebelly · 30/05/2021 11:20

He was abusive to you and he is no longer your problem - don't reach out, it would just be opening the door to enable him to use you as his emotional punching bag.

Just breath a sigh of relief that you are not still together and let him deal with it himself

Happycat1212 · 30/05/2021 12:14

Daleksatemyshed · 30/05/2021 12:52

Don't reach out Op, he will see it as weakness and try to reel you back in. You were together 20 yrs so it will take time to change and not think of him as your DH, just know that one day you will see him as he really is and be SO glad you left.

ItsNotLoveActually · 30/05/2021 12:55

Absolutely do not contact him. He is not your problem any more. Do not get hooked back into this man.

Original poster

Lounew · 30/05/2021 17:18

Thank you everyone everyone as the same reply no he is not my problem anymore .The person I am is the person that put up with his behaviour.

OP posts:

redastherose · 30/05/2021 18:06

You need to do some work on yourself to break the emotional tie you feel to him. It's worth seeing a counsellor to explore this and do the work. Even when you know logically someone is bad news and it's not your job to be their go to person to fix things anymore (nor should you be) many years of being made responsible for their issues can leave you feeling like you continue to hold that position even when you have separated.

Original poster

Lounew · 30/05/2021 23:44

Yes you are right it's a hard cycle to break.

OP posts:

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