Ex-husband allegedly screamed at teen daughter....

[Ihavehadenoughalready]

...that he hates her and never wants to see her again.

What am I supposed to do with this? Other than try to reassure her that she is loved and her dad was obviously wrong for saying that? I can't very well say "well, dad loves you too he just gets so very very angry sometimes that he is an abusive prick and I'm sorry he's your dad and PLEASE don't end up marrying someone like that!"

And if I gave the context of what prompted him screaming that at her, would it even matter? It probably shouldn't.

He wanted to know if I thought he was "that bad" when I told him I could no longer be married to him because of his actions/unwillingness to accept help for a different (ok, several different) ongoing problem(s).

Why yes, I do think that. Which would be why I found a lawyer, filed for divorce, actually divorced, etc, etc.

Even so, there have been days when I wonder if I should have given him a third, fourth, fifth chance "for the sake of the family".

Today is not one of those days.

That's abuse and very unlikely to be anything like an isolated incident. She deserves to be protected from it. It's too easy to get used to vicious craziness and not realize how harmful it truly is.

My last straw with my mother was her saying something similar to me. It caused me to grant her wish; I haven't spoken to her in nearly a decade. But still, not infrequently, those words still echo in my mind.

I think counseling is in order for your daughter, with you not even considering allowing him to speak to her until the counselor thinks it's a good idea.

She is a teenager - personally I'd sit her down and talk about it honestly . She is old enough to understand how some people are just horrible and that they sometimes say awful things. I certainly wouldn't be saying "he loves you really" because she'd know you were just trying to smooth things over. Talk to her honestly - you divorced him for various reasons such as he just gets so very very angry sometimes that he is an abusive prick and I'm sorry he's your dad. Nothing wrong with being honest at her age . Good luck .

If she's a teenager, she's probably of an age where her views will be taken into account if she doesn't want to keep going to his. If she wants to take him at his word.

I would look into support for her, maybe do the freedom programme or something together, as it is a very real worry that she may fall into similar abusive relationships in future. Help her build up her "shark cage".

Thanks everyone for the advice.

I think you should tell her she is off an age where her opinions are taken into consideration therefore if she decides not to see him , that's her prerogative.

I’d be honest and say he shouldn’t have spoken to her like it. It’s abusive and one of the reasons you left the marriage. I’d personally not be saying “he loves you” because it sows the seed that even if someone loves you they can talk to you like shit. She’s well within her rights to have boundaries, be angry and not see her father again.