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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Snapchat

20 replies

Srae · 30/05/2021 01:16

I will try to keep this short,

My partner of many years has been out with friends tonight to ' wet the babies head'. We had a baby 4 weeks ago and has not been out for a year. I have Snapchat but do not use it very much as I only have close friends on there. I got a notification tonight to let me know that my contact has joined with a username "lickme234" and that contact was my partner. I am absolutely devastated, we have 2 children together. I discovered this whilst he was sleeping and have tried to wake him and explained what I had seen but to no response. I went downstairs to make the babies bottle and came back to bed to find his phone missing and now he is completely unresponsive. I'm really not sure what I want from this, but there really isn't any innocent explanation is there? I have never doubted him for one moment and he has seemed to adore me.

OP posts:
ConfusedAdultFemale · 30/05/2021 01:24

Wait until he is sober to talk about it, you’ll not get anything remotely resembling the truth while he’s under the influence of drink/a hangover.

I don’t have any suggestions or advice, I’m sorry. I hope you’re ok Flowers

Lollypop4 · 30/05/2021 01:24

Wake him.
Id be wanting to know who and what was said tbh

Newcastleteacake · 30/05/2021 01:28

I'm confused, have you left something out? Has he joined snapchat? Is that the issue? Sure, the username leaves a lot to be desired about his maturity but just joining snapchat isn't a reason for your reaction, unless there's more to it.

Original poster
Srae · 30/05/2021 01:30

@ConfusedAdultFemale

Wait until he is sober to talk about it, you’ll not get anything remotely resembling the truth while he’s under the influence of drink/a hangover.

I don’t have any suggestions or advice, I’m sorry. I hope you’re ok Flowers

Thank you! To make matters worse we have my friend staying for bank holiday weekend and really do not want to ruin her stay here.
OP posts:
Original poster
Srae · 30/05/2021 01:31

@Newcastleteacake

I'm confused, have you left something out? Has he joined snapchat? Is that the issue? Sure, the username leaves a lot to be desired about his maturity but just joining snapchat isn't a reason for your reaction, unless there's more to it.
No, there isn't more to this just the fact he is not great with technology and as said the username plus the alcohol and the fact he left at 10am this morning and didn't get back until 12. He was only local.
OP posts:
wibdib · 30/05/2021 01:37

Are you able to screenshot your phone to show that you didn’t imagine it?

Was the phone there before you went downstairs so your ‘d’p hid it when you went downstairs or has he just not put it where it normally would be when he goes to bed?

Can you ring it - carefully - so you just hear one ring so it hopefully doesn’t wake him up but is enough for you to spot where it is and find it to look at it/take photos of it on your phone etc? (You might need to do this several times to pin it down without waking him).

So sorry you’re going through this but forewarned is forearmed - so leave him sleep and leave him sleep while you work out what you want to do... and what’s best for you...

Good luck

Newcastleteacake · 30/05/2021 01:40

Well, if he doesn't have a poor history I wouldn't worry too much. Just got carried away. Most likely signed up because he was egged on by his mates. Talk to him when he sobers up but do so calmly and don't make accusations you can't back up, you don't want him going on the defensive.

Original poster
Srae · 30/05/2021 01:43

@wibdib

Are you able to screenshot your phone to show that you didn’t imagine it?

Was the phone there before you went downstairs so your ‘d’p hid it when you went downstairs or has he just not put it where it normally would be when he goes to bed?

Can you ring it - carefully - so you just hear one ring so it hopefully doesn’t wake him up but is enough for you to spot where it is and find it to look at it/take photos of it on your phone etc? (You might need to do this several times to pin it down without waking him).

So sorry you’re going through this but forewarned is forearmed - so leave him sleep and leave him sleep while you work out what you want to do... and what’s best for you...

Good luck

Yes I have a screen shot and also rang my best friend who confirmed it comes up with his number too (also in her contacts). Phone has been turned off but was definitely on when I had confronted him as I could see it on charge and a notification came through and lit up the screen. Room has been ransacked so has been well hidden. I'm thinking the absolute worst now. We are in the middle of selling our home and have viewers back tomorrow to confirm before they put in an offer. I can't think straight.
OP posts:
PinkSatinMoon · 30/05/2021 02:39

So ... whilst completely off his face sound asleep drunk ... you leave the room for a few minutes... he has managed to remove his phone from Charging and hide it ... and then climb back into bed and resume his 'off his face sound asleep drunk' position Confused

is this what you're saying happened ? 😱

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 30/05/2021 02:43

Sounds like a dumb username to me- not sure why all the dramatics.

PinkSatinMoon · 30/05/2021 02:48

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Sounds like a dumb username to me- not sure why all the dramatics.

Yeah like it's been changed as a joke ...

but the 'olympic' standard of hiding the phone' is MORE worrying 🤔

Closetbeanmuncher · 30/05/2021 10:08

Definately hiding something unsavory from the desperation to hide it. You'll never get the truth asking him, you're going to need to be more sneaky than that.

BlueButtercups · 04/06/2021 00:13

did you ask Him outright ?

coolmumcom1111145456778 · 06/12/2021 12:06

This reply has been deleted

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Blue4YOU · 06/12/2021 12:10

@coolmumcom111114545678
Wtf???

Abouttoblow · 06/12/2021 12:12

As well as being obnoxious you're obviously on the wrong thread.

Blue4YOU · 06/12/2021 12:22

Op - I’ve never used Snapchat but isn’t there a chance your partner’s friends did it for “a laugh”?
Are you thinking he’s met someone when he was out and joined Snapchat to message them?
Because I can’t see why that would be necessary if he was with them at the time if you see what I mean..
Hiding the phone is troubling but he probably did hear what you were saying and in a drunken fashion went about hiding it because he didn’t want the conversation? I mean 12 or more hours of drinking is likely to put him in a place of doing absolutely stupid things but I’m not sure that the user name means anything in and of itself.
I hope you are ok

Original poster
Srae · 07/12/2021 17:03

This is an old treat but it turned out a lot worse than I thought. He downloaded it that night to speak to someone he had been speaking to on there and met up with. She had blocked him on another Snapchat so he made this one to speak to her. Also found 10 dating apps. Not a great outcome to the story unfortunately.

OP posts:
abenbaked · 07/12/2021 17:15

Hope you are well rid of him OP, the bastard he is.

Jackthementalkitten · 07/12/2021 18:35

I’m so sorry, what an absolute scumbag. Flowers

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