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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is it rape if you feel you have to say yes???

12 replies

Emz2019 · 29/05/2021 22:43

When i was 15, i was doing an after school club for music technology, at the end of the lesson it was 6:30pm, it was winter and dark, but in the class there was 3 of us, me my friend and a boy, he was 2 years above us so was 17 almost 18, One night we finished and the teacher suggests the boy gave me a lift home… he drove and had a car… my
Friend lived very close to the schooI someone’s I’d walk home from the school. I was a bit scared but our teacher had suggested it, he drove me the way I expected but came to a round about and asked which way I lived… I said left…. He went into the right lane and turned right, I said that’s the wrong way, he ignored me and kept going, took me into a cemetery and told me I had to have sex with him or would throw me out of his car and the ghosts would get me. My father had passed away suddenly 6 months earlier and I was so scared: he told me to climb On top and get going: I did….. because I was so scared

It’s been a few years since and I now
Realise how wrong he was to do that to me….

Was is rape??? Or not because I did it because I felt I has no other choice so
Willingly said yes and climbed on top of him???

OP posts:
BreakingtheIce · 29/05/2021 22:44

Yes it was rape. How awful.

PennyDreadful66 · 29/05/2021 22:45

It was 100% rape. You were cohursed into something you didn't want to do and you were a child. I'm really sorry this happened to you op.

Echobelly · 29/05/2021 22:47

That wasn't even 'feel you have to say yes' (which is also rape), he was threatening you in order to have sex - so definitely rape. I'm so sorry you went through this.

coronaway · 29/05/2021 22:48

How horrific for you OP. This was most certainly rape.

Emz2019 · 29/05/2021 22:57

Geeeee thanks everyone. I was not sure if it was rape… as I said yes because I felt I had no choice.

But he did give me the option of being left in n cold dark cemetery ….. or having sex…. And I didn’t want any sex but I was so scared.

Told my friend the next day and she said she thinks it’s rape and to call the cops. But I was to scared an felt so embarrassed that I felt i had to say yes or else i Would be left in n a cemetery. And they would laugh at me because I was scared of being in a cemetery on my own in the dark

OP posts:
Bluedelphinium · 29/05/2021 23:08

Yes it's rape, OP, if you are coerced or threatened into sex. It doesn't necessarily have to be with physical violence. People are sometimes coerced with say, the danger of losing their job or their home, by a boss or landlord.

You're still well within your rights to report this to the police if you wanted to. People sometimes report historical rapes going back decades. Obv I don't know what the outcome would be, but you would definitely not be laughed at. You were a child and this person used your vulnerability and fear against you to force you into sex. I'm so sorry this happened.

bookworm20 · 30/05/2021 07:09

Yes it’s rape. You were a child.
You can still report this to the police. You might think what’s the point as it was a while ago now, but there may be other reports already made about him from other girls or women. Or may be some in the future.
I’m sorry this happened to you. Just remember you were threatened and in no way is any of it your fault. You did what you had to do at the time because you were scared. No one is going to judge you badly for that.

Shoxfordian · 30/05/2021 07:11

It was rape because you were 15 so below the age of consent and because he coerced you

I’m sorry this happened to you

Ifimight · 30/05/2021 07:11

I'm so sorry that he did this to you. Yes it was rape.

joystir59 · 30/05/2021 07:12

cohursed? Coerced?

dottiedodah · 30/05/2021 08:20

I am sorry this has happened to you .I would feel that was most certainly rape . This boy was horrible to you .Maybe still not too late to report it

Anothermother3 · 30/05/2021 13:13

You can still report it and you can definitely get more support. How awful of him. Definitely rape. I’m so sorry that happened to you.

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