Feeling alone

[happyface42]

I just had my DD2 5 weeks ago after having my DD1 I developed PND pretty much instantly I knew I wasn't right and I really struggled for months until I finally got help at my breaking point (started to consider suicide) when she was 4 months old. Since then I've done a lot of work on myself emotionally and feel like I've really grown as a person and learnt coping mechanisms and try my best to look for the positives in situations rather than instantly jump to the most negative thought which I always used to do. Myself and my oh felt ready to have another baby so here we are. I've been really proud of myself and how I've been coping and felt instantly different when I had my DD2. However as the weeks have gone on I'm feeling more and more defeated everyday by my oh and his negativity. He's wfh which is challenging as we only have a small house so can't escape each other. He's got a very short fuse atm and is always snapping at me or my DD1. His workload has recently got very stressful and his MH has really struggled. I don't think he's bonded with our DD2 at all and he actually cried when she was a couple of days old and said he wanted her to be a boy.
Although he does a lot with our DD1 I am doing everything on my own with DD2 and she doesn't sleep well so I'm extremely sleep deprived atm. I asked him to help me this morning by letting me catch up with sleep and him take DD2 for me whilst I napped but he threw a fit (and I mean a fit I've never seen him like it before) saying that he had planned to go out to meet his parents with DD1 and it's the only thing that's been getting him through the week because his MH is so low and I'm pushing him to the limit and making him feel like he isn't good enough. It was a total shock to me his reaction and has had me floored all day but it's just made me feel so alone. Like I can't even ask my oh for help and I'm doing this all by myself. My MH is also starting to suffer but I feel like I can't speak to him about it because he is also so low and I'm at a loss on what to do and where to turn to. I'm starting to feel trapped living here.

You both sound really stressed. Can you talk to other family for support?

@Enough4me yes I have my Mum who I can speak to and I also have a gp appt on Wednesday for my 6 week check so I think of my mood continues to fall I will ask if I can go back on medication but it really did help me last time. I think in my head I'm just wondering if me and my oh are right for each other. I feel like I'm always putting him and his needs before my own and I'm not sure I should be but then if he is feeling low I'm sort of stuck because I can't leave him.

You aren't stuck there, but at the same time I wouldn't make major decisions with a newborn (unless for safety) as it's a really tough time.

Do you have options to stay with your mum for a week?

Sadly not because she has my sister staying with her atm with her baby and only has room for them. I just keep trying to remind myself that this stage is temporary and won't last forever I just need to battle through the next few months and then decide what to do.

Hi OP, just wanted to pop back and say I hope things do start to settle when DC2 moves past the newborn phase, but put a timeline on it to see whether it is improving. Be clear on the things you need so he has a chance of doing the right thing. If it doesn't improve, you aren't stuck for life, but he does help with DC1 and sounds stressed too so perhaps things will calm down over time.

"I don't think he's bonded with our DD2 at all and he actually cried when she was a couple of days old and said he wanted her to be a boy".

What a horrible thing to do.

Was he negative prior to the birth of your first child or did this start after birth?.

Is he going to continue to ignore his DD2 because she is not a boy like he wanted?!. He sounds very much like someone who wants his own way, is so very emotionally immature and understands nothing about conception. What are his parents like OP; what did he learn from them about relationships when he was growing up?. You've recently given birth to another human being; what is he doing here about his supposed poor state of mental health other than blame you for it (which is wrong on all sorts of levels).

Re your comment:-
"I asked him to help me this morning by letting me catch up with sleep and him take DD2 for me whilst I napped but he threw a fit (and I mean a fit I've never seen him like it before) saying that he had planned to go out to meet his parents with DD1 and it's the only thing that's been getting him through the week because his MH is so low and I'm pushing him to the limit and making him feel like he isn't good enough"

There are red flags here re this man. You've recently given birth to another human being; what is he doing here about his supposed poor state of mental health other than blame you for it (which is wrong on all sorts of levels). What is he doing to improve things for his own self?. I am wondering if his negativity is a by product of him actually being an abusive individual, it seems too that he controls the moods of you and your household.

And no you are not stuck there long term either. I am wondering if he is feeling low (and I would argue more like completely pissed off) because he is no longer the Big Number 1 I Am King of the Castle in your life because your focus now is on your two children. His behaviour is also a probable cause of you feeling low too. Consider also going forward what you want to be teaching your daughters about relationships; would you want them to be with someone like this man?.