How bad is this?

[ALittlerunaway]

DH hasn't been one to care much for his appearance, probably since we married. In 10 years, he's gained a lot of weight, wears awful, old clothes which don't fit well, doesn't style his hair, doesn't take care of his skin which is flaky, sometimes forgets to brush his teeth.

Now that restrictions are lifting and we can get out again, I've become aware of my own embarrassment at being out with him. It actually really gets me down.

My friend made a passing joke recently about the disgusting state of his shoes. It dawned on me that I am not ok with the way he looks.

We've discussed it in the past and DH agrees that he needs to make more effort so he does, but it fades out again. A make or break conversation was had a couple of weeks ago, but he's back to wearing his disgusting shoes again with his oil stained work jumper on a Saturday.

There are other smaller issues in our marriage, but this is possibly the biggest. AIBU to consider leaving him?

YANBU. You've had the 'make or break' conversation and he's chosen break.

@Dailydingo

I wish I had the balls to leave. He is a dirty filthy slob. What I wrote was just the iceberg tbh. I didn't add that he cuts his toenails then chews them, fingers around his arse then sniffs it, wanks in the bed then leaves the cum wet patch, wipes his sweat off face then finger goes in mouth, farts a hell of a lot. He has his own 2 bath towels which he never washes, his own loo which he has to clean me and kids refuse to use his loo, some shit and piss stains on inside of his lounge wear. Buys clothes once a year and has to take anything that will fit tbh, that means he's limited for choice. We stopped having sex years ago. I refuse. He showers every day. *@Alittlerunaway* - yes v emotionally neglectful. Hes on the spectrum, possibly aspergers. He admitted it once but now denies he ever said it. Hes also ODD and had social anxiety. We went to Spain last year and he spent ££ on face masks for himself but wore none of them. Instead he made one out of a piece of elastic and a cut up old top. I mean, WTF. It looked ridiculous him wearing that walking around. I feel for you OP. If you can, get out xx

But you're teaching your children that this is all normal and acceptable in a partner, by staying with him. Even if you say it isn't normal or acceptable, by staying with him you're teaching them that it really is. You say you wish you had the balls but what is stopping you? Please rethink what example this sets to your children when it comes to them picking partners in the future.

@Dailydingo please leave the dirty git for your own sanity....my skin is crawling from your description and I don't have to live with it!