Urgent help Divorce help

[LouiseHEmily]

Hi all,

So, I’ve been divorced two years and that was the best decision to be made. We have one DS aged 6

However I’m dealing daily feeling sad, so sad I cry everyday. We have a 50/50 split so 3/4 days he is with his dad.

All I do is cry and worry. I worry about by DS daily. I worry about him listening to his dad and hating me (his dad is very vocal in is distain of me) will my DS hate me? Right now he is mummy’s boy and love cuddles and kisses and mummy/DS days together

I cry because I miss my DS more than anything. My heart feels like is breaking everyday and I struggle getting up abs being me when my DS isn’t here. I treasure every moment I have with him.

Tonight I’ve reached breaking point, he is going to see his dad tomorrow abs my heart it breaking, I’m just lying in bed crying

Any mums out there who can tell me how they cope, how they feel better.

I really need help abs I have no one to speak to about this and how I’m feeling.

Please help

I'm so sorry your feeling so rubbish. My children used to see their dad and I used to miss them greatly. I always kept myself busy or I had to work. They no longer see him so it's now not something I have to deal with.
What other things do you have in your life? Do you work? Have friends and family? A good daily routine.

I'm sorry you feel like that. It's understandable but obviously not healthy for anyone. You don't say anything about the rest of your life but you desperately need to have a "rest of your life". It's not healthy for your happiness to be so linked to your son's presence and his feelings about you. He needs to see you as a happy independent mum with an interesting life, and you need an independent interesting life. Can you think of things you might do?

I think you should see your gp. This sounds like a pretty extreme reaction. I share my DD 50:50 with ex-H and whilst I love her to be here her absence doesn’t ruin my day.

Go see gp and get some counselling to learn strategies to deal with the situation
The crying is not helping you or ds and some professional support can help you with this
Separating is a stressful event and seeking help like CBT is a way forward

Maybe it s ptsd or depression ? Speak to gp

Your ds us 6 aNd a growing lovely boy right?
Does he go to school?

Do you haVe szme reaction when he at school?

Thank you all for your messages

Sorry I should give some background.

I work full time, but don’t have many friends or much of a social life, especially the last year with lockdowns.

I don’t really have a hobby, I used to go to slimming world classes and get my nails done but that’s all stopped now. I guess that was my social time!

I have a lovely family and am close with my dad and sisters and I pop round to see them.

I make sure not to cry infront of DS and I don’t want him to feel torn, worried or upset; I want to make sure I have an environment where he knows he can come to me about anything and it doesn’t matter what it is.

When he is in school I’m ok because I’m distracted at work. However I do miss him. I find it hard when he is at his foot ball club or gone to friends house for tea but I’d never ever ever not let him do something just because I’m finding it hard.

DS is a happy abs thriving little boy, he is doing well in school, has plenty of friends and is a social little funny kid!

I do think I might need some therapy but I’m scared to go

Thanks all

I think you do need some help. What you describe around school / activities is not normal.
It sounds as though your world revolves around your son and that’s not healthy. You need something for you - you’re still a person in your own right and not just a mum.

Thank you I think I do!

Don’t get me wrong I’m totally excited when he gets invited to friends houses ect because it means so much to him. But I struggle.

Who should I speak to. Would a doctor keep it private. I’m worried if I want another DC and need ivf again. (my DS is ivf) it would stop me.

Sorry I feel like such a mess. I haven’t told anyone else much more than I miss him when he isn’t with me

Sorry you're finding it so hard :( I have my two dc 50 50 as well and, although I miss them when they go, I also appreciate my child free time. But because you also miss him during any separation this sounds like more than the usual difficulties of dealing with co parenting. You say he was an ivf baby which makes sense, and I'm guessing there was a lot of heartache and grief before that which you may not have processed. Definitely talk to your gp, what you say there is confidential. There might be something ivf specific you could access?

This might be helpful - there's a support line and they might be able to point you in the right direction if not help you directly fertilitynetworkuk.org/

Therapy is confidential

You really do need to address this before another child