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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do some exes never go away

9 replies

Starjuice · 29/05/2021 11:03

Met a man 10 months ago and we've talked the whole time. We've fallen for eachother but I've remained guarded and it's been abit allover because his ex is in the scene.

They split in march 2019. He's lived away from her now for 18 months. When we first met he mentioned her fairly quick. All lovely and friendly terms. Then he said they often would catch up and have a drink.

He told her about me. Then he stopped mentioning them ever seeing eachother. He would talk about the past abit. Often things he wants to do he's done with her.

There were times around Christmas he was almost ranting about her to me. But the moment I said well perhaps she needs to meet someone new herself now he would get abit protective and say they were really good friends and he cared about her like family.

We had a month apart because I just didn't know how I really felt about it all. It's a very intense friendship for a couple who fought for many reasons in the end.

We got back in touch and for the last three days he's mentioned her at some point.

The first time was to tell me something she's done and he's been learning from what she's learned.

Then he told me a funny story about something she did when they were together.

Then last night he was telling me why he was sad that things went as they did with me and why his feelings were real and he felt like I thought he was a liar. (Another woman who got involved with him after he had just split from her told me he was obsessed with her still) this was obviously 2 and half years ago. So it was still raw at the time. He was ranting about how angry he was at the woman for the trouble she had caused for him in regards to saying stuff to me. But she also contacted his ex to tell her about me, even though she already knew about me. Half way through his rant he said.

"She still tries to contact my misses, ex misses"

I said to him misses??? He said you know what I mean.

Anyway he wants us to start dating again. He promised me they are just friends and don't feel that way at all but get on as mates.

What would you do if everything else seemed good?

OP posts:
pinkypink24 · 29/05/2021 11:07

Run

The hills are that way >>>>

Not a normal healthy dating scenario.

HalzTangz · 29/05/2021 11:12

He's in love with her still, get out while you can.
It's not Normal to talk about a ex all the time or to refer to the ex as his missus(that alone tells you he doesnt view her as an ex)

Theunamedcat · 29/05/2021 11:14

HELL NO

Do you really think so badly of yourself that your considering this? Be single buy a cat buy two cats discover wild camping go travelling study for a art degree do anything BUT DO NOT DATE THIS MAN

He is not over her

ComtesseDeSpair · 29/05/2021 11:26

What else is good?? It all sounds awful! It’s absolutely fine to remain friends with an ex. This man is not friends with his ex, he is still hoping she’ll ask for him back, and not only is he not over his ex, he doesn’t even have the grace to try and hide that from you.

Shamoo · 29/05/2021 11:27

He is clearly still in love with her. He has mentionitis. Don’t get back with him!

RLEOM · 30/05/2021 11:57

This man is an utter shit show. He's still in love with her. "She's like family to me," is a common phrase used by men to water down their true feelings. Never trust that phrase.

You know what he's going to do? He's going to always talk about her, you're going to forever feel upset and threatened by her presence, it's going to cause arguments, he's going to turn it round on you for making a fuss and "over exaggerating" (gaslighting). If you're lucky,you'll leave. If you stay, he'll keep making a mockery of you and probably eventually end up having an affair with said woman, or eventually leave you and get back with her.

Know when you're second best and run.

RLEOM · 30/05/2021 12:04

Oh, and the fact he doesn't hide her from you shows that he has no respect for you at all (even though hiding things is equally as bad). A normal man doesn't do this.

My ex was like this with not one but two of his female "friends". The first one he had been sleeping with whilst we were dating, then kept trying to make me meet her, even went on holiday with her whilst we were together. The second "best friend" he started seeing when I'd just had his baby. They'd flirt in front of me. It was almost like he enjoyed knowing he was trying to get with these women in front of me. Twisted and cruel.

ChristmasFluff · 30/05/2021 14:49

TRIANGULATION

Your choice to either put on your pick-me-dance shoes or your running shoes. I recommend the latter.

OrchestraOfWankery · 30/05/2021 14:58

Run like fuck away from him. This is not normal.

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