Talk some sense into me please

[Oldtimerr]

My husband cheated on me and I lost a few stone immediately after and then I spent months doing the pick me dance and he was all “I think I love you, I don’t know” and he’d said how I’d let myself go etc after the kids (basically blamed me) but due to the stress of it all I then piled back on what I’d lost plus a few extra stone and then he ended it.

Now I know logically that he’s a dick but a tiny part of me still keeps thinking “this is your fault oldtimerr, if only you hadn’t piled the weight on he would still be here!”

I know that he doesn’t deserve me but why do I keep going back to the weight thing?

You go to the weight thing because it's the easy stick to beat yourself with. And because in the past society has told us that those of us who don't fit a certain definition of beauty aren't loveable. So it's totally natural that the gremlins in your head pick on you for it. Ignore them.

Your value hasn't nothing at all to do with how you look. Your value comes from what you stand for and how you show love and care for others.

On that scale your ex rates very very low. It's entirely his loss that he can't see you for all the lovely things you are.

If it was purely your weight, that would make him about as a shallow as a puddle, wouldn't it?

I mean, he had more choices than to decide you were too fat so he better fuck someone else, didn't he?

I don't think cheating is about the person being cheated on usually - it's about the cheat - wanting a ego boost or validation from someone new or whatever.

@Oldtimerr fuck him!
Go eat cake ... be you
Lose weight or maintain weight depending on what you want ... he doesn't deserve you

@Oldtimerr the 15 stone you lost when he left was the best weight you got rid of! He is not worth your headspace.

Oh God doll. Get fit and healthy for you. Fuck him. He had his chance. Go and be the best version of you. What do YOU want?

He doesn't deserve you! You're the same person whatever you weigh, he's shallow, you're better on your own than with him.

Thanks everyone :) I know deep down that he’s a dick etc and most days I’m really glad he’s not in my life anymore and then I get the random day where i feel really shitty about myself

And look at famous women who have been cheated on, who look incredible yet their husbands go for a bit of strange.

It's not a lack in them or you, it's a lack in the cheat.

@category12 yeah I get that but it’s like it just won’t sink in and I blame myself and my weight even though I know that’s bullshit, it’s hard to explain

S’not you, it’s him, it’s nothing to do with the weight.