Unsupportive work colleagues

[Sitchervice]

I'm just venting really but I felt I needed to get it down and written.

I've never been pregnant before. This is my first I'm due in June so I don't know if this is normal behaviour or not.

When I announced my pregnancy at work my colleagues were happy for me. That wore off, I knew it would, and I (Un like another colleague) kept it to myself didn't flash it around because I didn't want people to get pissed off with me. Unless complications turned up and they needed to know. Sadly a few did but even then I tried not to make a fuss and apologised about how often I had off sick. I even told my colleagues I would take long on maternity because I knew they were stretched. They encouraged me to have longer so I did.

Closer to the time of my maternity leave they started getting shitty with me. Picking every point I got wrong no matter how small they made a big thing about it bring it up in meetings ect, Instead of telling me in private. Literally tiny mistakes I've seen other people make and they just got swept under the rug.

The last day no one said good by or wished me luck. Fine they didn't have to but I did feel a little sad about this.

Today I found out they have now blocked me from our group WhatsApp. They didn't with a previous colleague, she got to stay on and even showed off her new baby. Everyone made a fuss at her.

I don't know why but it got to me. I should just beable to say, fine they don't want me to stress exct. But it's my only communication at the moment to work and alot of things are changing that I might need to know about. The only person I have on FB is leaving the company and we have no manager at the moment (Covid caused my company to stop highering and our old manager left) so it's just them and my managers manager who is very busy and won't beable to update. I just have her number for when I go back so she can arrange things. I don't even think she knows about the WhatsApp group.

I feel like they've segregated me! I don't really care if they didn't make a fuss (probably lying to my self) and it's just a WhatsApp group, but I do feel like they are purposely trying to push me out my job.

I'm probably being over sensitive tbh

No I don't think you are being oversensitive.
There is absolutely no reason for you to be taken off the whatsapp group - broach the subject and say you want to go back on because you need to be kept informed while you are off.
Also very rude you didn't even get a card.
I'd have been very hurt.

I'd also start looking for a new job, they don't sound nice to work for. I think its better to leave toxic work places and start anew.

No you're not being over sensitive and I would also suggest you look for a new job going forward.

No you are not over sensitive. Even our more annoying colleagues get a card and a voucher ... very poor show. Take your maternity.. and look for something else .

Thanks guys. I sent a heavily edited (By DH) email basically saying that it wasn't fair as I need to keep in contact with them. I'm still apart of their team even if they feel I'm not. I'll stay a little while after Mat leave as I get a lump sum of money for going back full time and I can't do a grab and run 🤣 but after yes I will be looking for a new job

I believed being ignored or left out is considered bullying behaviour in employment law.

I’d definitely start to look for another job, being pushed out is horrible, especially when it seems it’s over something as wonderful (clearly not in their eyes) as having a baby. You’ve done nothing wrong so please don’t blame yourself.

When I went off with my first, the department I’d had to work in for H&S reasons did me a little tea party and got me a card etc whereas my actual ‘colleagues’ got me nothing. Didn’t think a lot of it until someone else had a baby recently and they got loads of stuff. Not the presents but the thought behind it so know how you feel!

I had this when I was pregnant OP, don't underestimate this type of behaviour. I put it down to my hormones and ignored all my feelings until they all surfaced again as PND after baby was born. Do take care of yourself and listen to how you're feeling.

Being frosty towards you is so devious- it's bullying in the most strategic, manipulative form. Well done for drafting that email. Speak out sooner rather than later.
I left it over a year to speak out about what had happened, which made returning to work after mat leave a huge deal for me. It takes a lot of guts and bravery to speak out against this sort of crap but you must.

My ex colleagues masked their behaviour well, they bought my baby clothes when she was born- all boys clothes. Sent congratulations messages but none of them attended her christening. I was taken out of the social groups, never invited to social gatherings and completely ignored for months. Its a horrible thing to go through so get some support x

@Exterminate my bosses boss tried to brush it off. I got the email this morning. I replied pointing out the other woman wasn't removed from the group.

I just don't understand. Did you ever find out why they were so shitty with you?

I'll never know why, but I have a fairly good idea. The need to be centre of attention, and possibly the threat of this being taken away due to me being pregnant. Maybe because one of the group was getting married that year and wanted to be the big news story of the year and I was instead, maybe because one member of the group wanted a child herself, maybe because another person in the group loved belittling people to make himself feel better. Possibly because I took too much time off during the pregnancy. Probably a concoction of things.
But, it only takes one person to create a toxic group dynamic and it escalates and spreads quickly. It's a group survival thing, they basically out one person in the group to feel stronger within the group themselves. Also, a pregnant woman is an ideal candidate as they're obviously physically vulnerable and will be going on mat leave so they won't have to face her for too long following the bullying.
I don't think the group who did it to me were mature enough to be working closely with a pregnant woman and didn't really know how to deal with it either. A lot of people hated their jobs and were perhaps jealous that I'd be going on maternity leave. Toxicity breeds toxicity so it really doesn't take a lot for the bullying to start. You'll never truly know the reasons why, so don't waste time over-thinking it. It's just a bunch of people with a pack mentality.

I'm so sorry that your boss isn't taking this seriously, that is awful. Are you part of a union? They would be your next point of call. I contacted my union at the time who were really good and helped me write a letter to my boss during my maternity leave. I unfortunately needed counselling during my maternity leave as the thought of returning to work caused a lot of mental distress but it helped enormously.
I did return to work, was as frosty to them as they were to me and kept my head down. They were much more pleasant after I stopped giving them any of my attention. I stayed for a year before finding myself another job and had a second pregnancy in the new workplace. The difference in the way I was treated by colleagues in my second pregnancy was astounding. There was one person who made a few discriminatory comments around the pregnancy, always about hormones and me acting on emotions, but there was no group mentality and no sneaky, devious bullying behaviour going on. And I had no PND afterwards either.

Take care of yourself and find support in supportive places. Goodluck 💐

Sorry you're going through this OP. As others have said you've done nothing wrong and it's often the nicest people they bully as they see them as "soft" targets. Call their behaviour out and out it in writing. Well done on the email.

Sounds like they're bullying you in the hope you'll.leave your job and not come back after mat leave. Some.places are very discriminatory and hate that mums quite rightly often seek flexible hours / want to go part time etc and begrudge that . It's why laws such as you can't be made redundant while on maternity leave had to be put in place in the first place.

Or they're jealous you're pregnant and having a child.

Don't let their atrocious passive aggressive behaviour spoil your experience with your little bundle of joy

Thank you all.

I think when I do go back I'll try and keep my head down for a while before looking for a new job.

I got a response from the person who kicked me off. He clames its just for vpn and log in issues. Still dosnt explain why he never kicked the other pregnant person off.